September 24, 2006

Kindergarten is the New Junior High

When I went to Kindergarten, things were a lot different. I remember being friends with everyone. I played with boys and girls, but the boys I was friends with were just that. . . friends. I remember my teacher having a pretty structured routine for us, and I don’t recall a lot of down time with other classmates. Apparently Kindergarten has changed.

Kindergarten has been a big adjustment for our household. We’re not exactly morning people around here, so that was the first hurdle. The second seems to be one that will be on-going. I figured that I’d have a few years before I’d have to deal with any talk of boyfriends and catty girls, but I was very wrong. Kindergarten is the new Junior High.

Big I came home from school last week full of disgust. "I’m not friends with "Annie" anymore," she said. "Why not?" I asked her. Annie is the girl that sits at her table, a girl who was her friend up until this week. She’s the one that Big I told me would look just beautiful in a Mulan gown because "Annie is so pretty." "She likes Justin and she can’t like him because he’s MY boyfriend," she said as she flipped her hair over her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "We were like arguing across the table, but don’t worry Mommy because Mrs. M didn’t see us. Annie was like ‘Justin is my boyfriend’ and I was like ‘No, he is my boyfriend’" and so on and so forth.

My jaw may very well have hit the floor as I mentally counted up the days and hours that she has been going to Kindergarten. I saw Big I’s very short life thus far running like a movie reel in my head. "She’s too young to be talking like this," screamed the voice in my head. Why are two 5-year old little girls having a tiff over a boy? They are in KINDERGARTEN. . . Kindergarten where there are snacks mid-morning, and "Show and Tell" is the homework. I told Big I how silly it was to be fighting over a boy. "It’s a lot easier getting up and going to school each day, when you know you’re sitting at a table with friends" I said.

As soon as she saw my reaction, she got very serious and said, "I’m going to say ‘I’m sorry’ to Annie on Monday. I feel really bad that we were arguing like that." I was proud of her that she immediately recognized her wrong and what she needed to do to make it right.

"You and Annie can both be ‘friends’ with Justin," I said. In Kindergarten, all you need to think about is being friends. I told her there’s a good chance that she won’t even remember Justin’s name when she gets older. The ratio of boys to girls in her class is 1:4. If the ratio stays like that, I can’t even begin to imagine the cattiness that will be evolving as the years go by, especially with dances and prom. I don’t even want to think about the inappropriate banter that will happen in the years to come.

I just told my husband the other day that I didn’t think it was appropriate to be watching Star Wars around Lil C. Big I has already been taken to the dark side by Mr. BBM. I am not a fan of anything Star Wars but it’s too late for Big I. She’s been converted. Mr. BBM asked me why I thought it was inappropriate for Lil C to be exposed to it. "It’s violent," I said. "There are studies that babies shouldn’t be exposed to violence." "What about the shows that are on TV?" he asked. "What? Sesame Street?" I asked him. In this household, that’s all that’s ever on during the day anyway (Thank goodness for Tivo).

After hearing about Big I’s argument with Annie, I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be banning the princess movies instead. I knew that once my girls got to the "tween age" I’d have to deal with the issue of boys. I never imagined I’d have to start dealing with this so soon. I feel like I’ve been thrown into the ring without proper preparation. The last thing I want is for Big I to be a catty girl who fights with other girls over boys.

I always had a special disdain for girls like that when I was in school. I was not a fighter like that. If I was dating someone and he showed interest in someone else, good riddance. It’s not the new gals fault; he’s just a dumb fickle boy. I was over it, figuring that I was one step closer to finding the right one. I honestly can’t recall ever having a fight or argument with another girl over a guy. What a stupid thing to fight about! I also can’t recall being all that unhappy when I was spending my school days without a boyfriend. They just added drama and I didn’t need the distractions. Algebra presented enough drama for me.

I want to raise Big I and Lil C to be strong, to be defined by who they know they are, not by how others (especially boys) see them. I want them to be independent and not feel a need to have a boyfriend or feel like they need to make boys like them. I think that being involved in athletics did that for me. Being involved in sports helped to give me my own identity. I wasn’t the girl getting all dolled up for school on a regular basis. Sure, I wanted to look attractive and I still do, but a sweatsuit and a little hairspray and mascara was plenty to keep me happy with my looks in school. I didn’t need to get up at the crack of dawn, wearing tight tops and short skirts with a flawless face to complete the package. Frankly, sleep was more important to me.

I’m hoping that sleep will be more important to Big I as well. I’m also hoping I can get her involved in some other athletic activities besides karate. In the meantime, I need to find some good books on raising girls, because the world has changed since I was a little girl and I need to study up and fast.