May 13, 2006

The Ultimate Work Out Recipe

Ingredients:

One afternoon of shopping
One 7-month old who hates her stroller with a passion
One 5-year old who loves the stroller with a passion
One baby wrap to hold non-conforming-to-stroller baby

Instructions:

Place 17 lb. baby in wrap. Allow persistent 5-year old to sit in the stroller that is now unoccupied. Proceed to push stroller containing 43 lb. 5-year old around the mall for about three hours. Only allow her out to try on clothing. When trying on clothing commences, do deep squats with baby still attached snugly in wrap. Hold out arms parallel to the ground as you hold up shorts that 5-year old is taking her good ole time getting in. Feel arms start to burn, similar to the feeling obtained when hanging a new shower curtain. Practice resistance training as 5-year old balances all of her weight with her hands on your shoulders while you’re still in the process of squatting and holding arms parallel to the ground. . . still waiting for the child to put her feet in the HOLES ALREADY MOMMY’S ARMS ARE KILLING HER. Pull shorts up as child squirms and complains. Repeat try on process three more times. Proceed to cashier; continue holding arms straight out in an attempt to keep 7-month old from obtaining money which would be prompty devoured. Deep squat to put new purchase in the cargo bag of stroller. Proceed to walk down the mall corridor, occasionally doing the deep squat to obtain baby sock that has been removed, sucked on, and thrown in an attempt to free her feet and also make sure that Mommy gets her exercise.

At completion of shopping excursion, load both children into car. Because your back wasn’t completely thrown out after carrying 17 lb. baby for three hours on your stomach/chest, fold the SUV of strollers and lift into trunk. While driving, reach for baby toys that are being flung onto the car floor at regular intervals and return them to baby in a futile effort to keep her entertained (this also serves as post work out stretching).

I’d write more. . . but I need to hit the showers.