June 18, 2009

Of Bruised Butts and Egos

I've had ER visits for myself while on vacation in the past. I've had ER and Urgent Care visits for one particular daughter as well. I've been stung by jellyfish en masse while trying to windsurf (that was pre-blog). I've hurt my back while playing volleyball on the beach. But until today, I've never made a complete and total idiot out of myself. . .

Wait. . . I used to do karaoke while on vacation.

Ok, let me rephrase. I've never made a complete and total idiot out of myself while also injuring myself on vacation. . . until today.

We went to the aquarium this morning and the girls had a blast. After, we stopped at a restaurant for lunch. Located back on the bay and as part of a condo area, it's not ever busy and the food is always fantastic. We chose a table overlooking a marina and had a rather uneventful lunch.

Then Lil C started getting antsy. She was out of her chair and back in her chair. The chairs were very flimsy and light and I kept warning her to be careful. One wiggle in the wrong direction and she was going to knock the chair completely over. At one point, Mr. BBM tickled her a bit and she went flying backwards. I caught her by her nose and gave her two scratches on her face with my fingernail. I figured it was better than her landing on her head and knocking everything over. I think she agreed.

While we were waiting for our desserts, Lil C announced to the four occupied tables in the restaurant that she had to go to the bathroom. I took her and left my purse behind, hanging over the back of the chair. We returned to the table and Lil C was bouncing all over the place; and I was worried that she was going to knock her chair over or fall.

"Be careful Lil C. You're going to knock your chair over. Please just sit down. Your dessert is coming."

And then it happened. Apparently I have entirely too much crap in my purse because the weight of it knocked my chair backwards just as I was surrendering to taking a seat. There was no hesitation, not even a "whoops" moment as I had committed to the sit, didn't realize the chair was already on its way over, and I was going to go with it.

Mr. BBM says he looked at Lil C, heard a "woah!" come from me and looked up to find I wasn't there anymore. Instead I had taken a hard sit on the floor landing on my right butt cheek. My lower back had a brief, although painful, encounter with the jagged wooden edge of the seat of the chair on the way down and I landed in a heap of hurt.

A table of women behind me started having a fit, asking me if I was ok and telling me I needed a bag of ice. I gingerly rubbed my back and told them I think I needed a glass of wine instead. No one laughed (at least not at the time) because I think they were more concerned that I was hurt. It caused quite a bit of commotion. Truth be told, my butt was throbbing and my back was killing me. I lifted up the back of my shirt and asked Big I if I was bleeding. She said "yes" and I went off to look at the damage in the bathroom. There was no blood on the surface. It was all underneath, a three inch long by one inch wide mark on my spine that was already painful to touch. We won't even discuss my butt. I'm just glad I landed on one cheek and not my tailbone.

Our waitress delivered my coconut cream pie with a ganache bottom on it just as I was reestablishing myself in my chair.

"Here" she said, "this will make it better."

I came home, fell asleep on the beach in my chair and woke up in a world of pain. My whole spine hurts and my neck is all messed up too. And man does my butt hurt. I can't imagine tomorrow is going to feel good.

I've spent the entire week swearing off tennis, refusing to play in the waves, and being super careful about not walking into a ditch in the sand while on the beach. This just goes to show that if the universe has it out for it, it's going to get you, one way or another.

If you're not afraid to make an idiot out of yourself for public consumption, then consider entering the Summer Serenade contest! It's simple. Lip sync or actually sing a song, record yourself and send the video to me. See details and participants on the Summer Serenade page in the sidebar!