August 8, 2007

Top Secret Draft Strategy

It’s that time of year again, when ordinary people start watching the pre-season football games with a notepad, hoping for divine intervention and direction during the two minutes the starters are playing. This year, I’m playing in two fantasy football leagues. I’m the league manager for a blogger league, featuring some of the most talented bloggers in the biz like Papa Bradstein, Jenn Maniacal, Goon Squad Sarah, Da Mack Daddy, Tenitems August, Marcus Aurelius (who is actually more of my sidekick helping to make the comments section rock-where is your blog anyway?), a myspacer (who I’m going to convert I tell you-convert, convert, convert!) and yours truly. It should be a lot of fun.

I’m also playing in another league with some friends and family and I’m looking forward to that as well. Because it’s that time of year, it’s also time to release my top secret fantasy football draft strategy, which has a few updates from last year. Anyone playing in a league with me this year should definitely exit now.

Are they gone yet?

Good. Here goes. . .

BBM’s Top Secret Fantasy Football Draft Strategy

Round 1- Draft a kicker on a bad team. If they can’t score touch downs, they’ll be scoring field goals instead.

Round 2- Draft a back-up kicker. Your first pick is going to have a bye at some point right?

Round 3- Draft a defense. You know those top five ranked defenses? Yeah, I read some stuff. They’re all SO overrated. We want to choose someone at the bottom of that list. Then we can brag about it when our underrated defense comes through. Sleepers are key.

Round 4- Draft a back-up defense. Choose a team that has a beat-up D. The teams are just lying about the injuries anyway to throw good people like us off.

Round 5- Now is the time to take a tight end. We don’t want one of the top ranked ones though. They get the ball all the time, which means they’re likely to be hit more and therefore injured.

Round 6- Just in case, get a back-up TE.

Round 7- We’re totally waiting to draft a wide receiver until now. If there’s a decent D left though, we might pick up a third. Ditto on kickers and tight ends too.

Round 8- Now it’s time to look at running backs. You certainly don’t want to do this before Round 8. They’ll be plenty of good ones left at this point. Jerome Bettis is still playing, right?

Round 9- I’m thinking it’s QB time. Michael Vick is looking good people. Really good. Indicted, likely to be convicted? Eh, he’s still a very worthy fantasy pick.

Round 10- Back-up QB. Who needs one? Vick will be playing every game for sure. All that hype about him not being able to attend training camp is just to throw fantasy footballers off. It’s better to get another kicker now, just to be safe.

Round 11- Maybe another kicker now? I mean, you can never have too many kickers.

Round 12- WR, because all the good ones will still be left.

Round 13- RB, there are a lot of good ones hanging out at the end of the rankings. I can’t wait to get my hands on "No-Name Two-Left-Feet". He’s going to be all the rage this year.

Round 14- WR time again. Who says 2 yards isn’t a good reception? Pshaw, not me!

Round 15- RB, because you have to have two starters. RB’s are a dime a dozen. No worries with this draft choice. . .

So, what do you think? Will it work?

Any teams playing with me this year can leave now. I know you’re reading this! This post is finished. See you at the draft. Don’t mess me up or try to steal my strategy, or you’re going DOWN!

Psst, hey you. . . yeah you, the one reading this. . . the person NOT playing in my fantasy leagues this year. . . do you think this will work on the newbies in the league? (Rubbing hands together with evil laugh).