It’s Real Now
For the past seven weeks, I’ve had moments where I wondered if this pregnancy thing is truly a reality. In the beginning, you feel so miserable and I did, trust me. But other than the green exterior, there are very few other physical signs to say “it’s real.” On Monday I had my first midwife appointment. Before it, I was nervous. When I was pregnant with Sassy, at my first appointment, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. It was a Friday so the earliest I could go for an ultrasound was the following Monday. I spent the weekend, entertaining weekend house guests and feeling miserable. I’d burst into tears frequently. It was a horrible wait. I worried the same thing would happen this time.
As soon as I saw my midwife, my nerves eased up. She always had such a calming affect on me. She was always so supportive and there for me whenever I had a question or was stressed out. During the birth, the other midwife who I didn’t even know that well, picked up where she left off. The birth experience with Sassy was amazing. It was hard and painful but yet relaxed. It was a completely different experience than when I brought Big I into the world.
The whole time I sat there on Monday, discussing my birth choices and how I’d really like to avoid induction and have a birth center birth this time, I was sort of in disbelief. Am I really doing this again? I was finished, or so I thought.
And then it was time to find the heartbeat. My own heart pounded. This is the moment you find out if it’s real or not. And there it was. . . instantly. . . 160 beats a minute. My midwife smiled and said that was one active and healthy baby in there. The relief that washed over me was instantaneous. The reality hit. Sassy heard her sister or brother’s heartbeat for the first time (and insisted there’s more than one in there). The midwife thinks there’s only one though (talk about more relief). In six weeks we’ll have an ultrasound and it will be even more real. I am getting so excited. . .
Eggs and Cran-Raspberry
Yesterday, one of my students asked me what it’s like to be pregnant. I was honest with her, the same as I was honest with my 10th graders back when I was pregnant with Big I.
“Do you get motion sickness?” I asked her.
“Yeah, it’s awful,” she said.
“Well, being pregnant, at least in the beginning and for me, is kind of like having non-stop motion sickness. You’re always feeling ‘green’ and like barfing is just around the corner. You also burp, like all the time and sometimes you have so much saliva in your mouth that you actually choke on it. Then there’s the stretch marks. Once you start to get big, your body basically pulls your skin from your hip bones around to the front and you get railroad track-like stretch marks on the whole path. You also have weird cravings and aversions to certain foods. I love vegetables. I used to eat salad as a snack, but now I can’t even look at vegetables (with the exception of tomatoes-which, let’s face it-there’s quite the debate about whether they’re really a fruit or veggie anyway so does it even really count?)”
She looked at me like I had three heads and I could tell she was making a mental decision to never have children.
“It’s all worth it in the end though,” I said. “It’s just hard to see that when you’re in the midst of all those fun symptoms.”
This pregnancy has been a bit crazy. I’ve been more nauseated with this one than either of my previous two. Last week I started to feel better but I still have my moments. Days when I teach are rough. I need to snack my way through the morning and when I’m teaching, that’s just not possible. I can barely stand to look at chicken. The other night I made chicken marsala, which is one of my all-time favorite meals and I had a hard time getting it down. I also can’t stand the smell of coffee and am wondering if I’ll ever be able to again. All I want to eat is cheese and hamburger meat. Give me Shepard’s Pie, mushroom cheeseburgers or steak anytime. Also, eggs.
My latest obsession is having red beet eggs for breakfast, washed down with some cran-raspberry juice. The burps from that breakfast are enough to make anyone reconsider that meal, but it’s one of the only things I keep going back to again and again. Even Mr. BBM thinks it’s disgusting and there’s not much that man won’t eat. I guess it’s really an improvement on what I used to crave. . . giant cherry slushies and jalapeno-cheese soft pretzels, health wise anyway.
Tomorrow night, Mr. BBM and I are off to the Flyers/Pens game, just 16 rows off the ice. I plan on eating my way through the arena, one cheese-steak at a time. I still have 1.5 lbs to gain back to reach my pre-pregnancy weight after weeks of feeling nauseated and counting carbs so as to avoid gestational diabetes again. I’ll just use the roll as a dish and eat what’s inside. . .
I wonder if they sell red-beet eggs at the stadium?
Drink Up Mama?
When I was out for dinner the other night, all my friends were ordering glasses of wine or beer. I had ice water. There aren't many restaurants that offer both decaf and diet beverages so I'm pretty much condemned to 9 months of water. It's not a bad thing, but putting water into a nauseous stomach isn't always the most desirable thing to do.
A friend of mine at dinner, told me about a new study that says light drinking while pregnant is ok. I was kind of shocked. Then yesterday, Mr. BBM found the article, "Light Drinking Said OK for Pregnant Women." What struck me about the article is that Fred Bookstein, a statistician who has spent much time studying fetal alcohol syndrome, now states that there is no evidence to suggest that very light drinking is harmful to the fetus. To the contrary, the study points to very light drinking as actually being beneficial for the mother and baby.
Having a husband who works in clinical research is a really nice perk sometimes. He instantly pulled up the actual research study, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, which was no small study! Over 18,500 children were followed through much of their young lives. Not surprising, Moms who binge drank while pregnant had children with problems. However, the group right behind the binge drinkers when it came to issues with their children? The Moms who drank nothing at all!The article states that the study was so well done, that it is conclusive and should put to rest any and all doubts that light drinking is harmful.
If you've ever read The Red Tent, then you know that in biblical times, people drank wine. Water wasn't safe and it was really the only healthy option. That includes pregnant women.
The published article, linked above, had tons of comments saying they didn't buy it, the study was flawed, etc. etc. But why believe one expert from a study from 1991 and not another with a recent study, a large sampling and conclusive results? Some people went on to say "alcohol is a drug," and then rattled off all the awful things that can happen, despite the fact that the study specifically says there's no proof.
What's funny is that caffeine is a stimulant. I avoid caffeine while pregnant, except for the very rare occasion. When I do have it, I have the recommended daily dose and no more. If you read about the affects of caffeine on developing babies, scary words like "stillborn" and "low birth weight" and "fetal death" surface. Yet, you don't see pregnant women being condemned for ordering a coke product.
So what is it about this study that ruffles so many feathers? Do people not want to read the evidence? Have they been brainwashed by all the previous studies, now discounted, and they just can't get past it? As a pregnant woman, do you believe the new study, have a couple drinks and take the chance? What if something does happen to the baby? Could you live with yourself? What would YOU do with this information? (And before you answer, please read the article and get your hands on the study too.)
Shock, Awe and a Little OMG
Last week I was feeling absolutely miserable. After Bear being put to sleep on Sunday, I spent much of the week with puffy eyes and a stomach ache. I started going to bed earlier because I was having trouble sleeping. I was super tired. I felt like my world had been turned upside down. . . again.
Towards the end of the week, I was about ready to go see a doctor. Something was off; something just wasn’t right. I felt like I was becoming depressed and I know the symptoms of depression can be very physical.
The last month was stressful. Mr. BBM and I spent an entire weekend going through our basement, box by box. I found some letters my Grammom had written me while in college and sat there sobbing before I could move on. We created piles of things to get rid of, mostly baby things, and it was difficult for me. I get this weird connection to things that I shouldn’t, like that onesie that I know Sassy wore that one day when she smiled for the first time. However, with Mr. BBM’s assistance, I made decisions and I ended up with a pile of baby stuff to sell. I felt good in some respects. I had separated it and made a price list. All I needed to do was get over the hurdle of getting it out of the house.
I’d get teary when I thought about it though. Sassy goes off to Kindergarten in the fall. I was going to be alone, in my house, without any baby stuff.
However, what made me agree to sell the stuff was two-fold: despite the fact that Sassy is going to school full time next year, I was starting to enjoy the idea of some freedom to work out whenever I wanted to during the day. I changed my schedule at the University where I teach to work within the girls’ school schedules. I realized I’d have time to grade at home without having to set Sassy up with a movie or some other activity. I had friends tell me they admired where I was in life. With a 9-year old and a 5-year old, I was getting my life back somewhat. It was a good place to be. Mr. BBM and I also wanted to make a little money off of selling the stuff. We figured we could put it towards an eventual trip to Jamaica or something equally cool.
That was Friday, before 4 p.m.
Friday night was Mr. BBM’s work holiday party. Last year, the actual dinner ended early and a group of us went out to a bar frequented by 20 somethings. We had a blast. The dress was mostly jeans and t’s but we showed up in cocktail dresses and took over the dance floor. I knew his co-workers had big plans for this year too. I was hoping I could make it physically, but I was feeling so tired.
It occurred to me as I was about to start getting ready that maybe this wasn’t physical symptoms of depression. Maybe this was the worst case of PMS I had ever had. Why was it so vicious and awful this time around? Why was I feeling so miserable?
“Wait, what day is it? Hmm, I’m late. . . it’s probably just from stress,” I thought.
But something made me take a test. . .
The plus sign was pretty much instantaneous. I dropped the test and told myself that the + sign was actually an x, as in “You are not going to have a serious unplanned adjustment to your life.” I scrambled for the directions and then compared the two, back and forth. I could hardly believe it.
I screamed for Mr. BBM who came running, thinking there was a problem with a leaking shower or something. Once inside the locked bathroom, I showed him and I’m fairly certain he was without words.
There were lots of things said then, once we both picked our jaws up off the floor. For a while, I think I repeated, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no” as I imagined myself needing not one but now two bridesmaid dresses since my sister’s wedding is in May and her reception is in July; and then I asked “How could this happen?” Mr. BBM was happy to explain that part of it. I didn’t want to hear it. Then I reasoned that perhaps I was going through early menopause and that was the reason for the extremely positive test. And then there was a lot of giggling after the shock of it all began to wear off, because seriously? Neither of us had any plans for a third. I had always said I wanted a third but after Sassy’s pregnancy and gestational diabetes, I wasn’t willing to walk that road again and take that chance. On Saturday morning I took another test, just to be sure. It wasn’t really necessary. The way I’m feeling, the way my body is so rapid-fire remembering what to do. . . it’s drastic.
I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t exactly get to choose if you’re going down that road again or not. There must have been a reason I didn’t get rid of that baby stuff after all.
Coming home from a swim meet this weekend, Mr. BBM and I heard Alicia Keys’ song on the radio. A couple lyrics in particular stuck out, “Would it make us seem crazy. . . or would it be so beautiful. . . ” I’m thinking right now it’s a little bit of both. Apparently I am not capable of sending a child off to Kindergarten without bringing a new little one into the house. Usher’s lyrics also come to mind, “Oh my GOSH!”
I called my midwife this morning and made an appointment. The receptionist pulled my chart and this afternoon one of the midwives called me and set me at ease about the whole gestational diabetes possibility. I imagine my midwife cracked up laughing when she heard I needed an appointment again. I distinctly remember telling her when I was in those last few weeks with Sassy, how happy I was that this was the very last time I’d be going through labor and delivery again.
Today is my birthday. This is one crazy and completely unexpected birthday present!
How quickly things can change. . .
We are quickly getting excited. . .
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
