Dear Children. . .
Dear Big I, Lil C, and other dojo children,
I don’t know why you hate us so. We have spent a total of 29.5 months nurturing you and providing you with sustenance. We may be beaten down and a shadow of our former selves, but we’re still here. We’re still worthy of respect and kindness.
Lately, it seems that all you children want to do is hit, kick, punch and torment us and it just isn’t right. We have "feelings" too. In the future, we would appreciate it if you could aim your valiant efforts in the direction of our neighbor to the south. Stomach can handle its fair share of beatings. Right and left arm aren’t bad either at taking a beating, and even shin is willing to help from time to time.
So, I beg of you. . . I am pleading with you, won’t you please just leave us alone!?!
Sincerely,
BBM’s "Girls"
In case you were having any trouble figuring it out, class last week was sparring drills. I was paired up with Big I for some of them and a black belt teen stepped in when it was my turn to hit and kick. I knelt down so that I could be at Big I’s height and she took every opportunity during our inside or outside block and punch drill, to nail me in the mammaries. For a woman who has weaned a child just two weeks ago? There is some pain to be talked about.
What is it with kids and a woman’s chest??? Why must they make contact in such destructive ways? Months ago when I was sparring with a young black belt candidate, he nailed me in the chest with a roundhouse kick that was absolute agony. I was nursing then and it was enough to make me want to cry.
Now Big I seems dead set on making wicked contact and I am seriously considering buying a chest protector. Considering the shape (and by "shape" I mean size) of the current situation, buying a chest protector would be laughable.
And while we’re on this topic, what’s up with nature anyway? You spend months nursing your child, doing what you believe is right and what’s the reward?
Balloon.
Pin.
Popped.
Yeah, that about sums it up. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it all over again, and I’m certainly not saying I have any regrets. I don’t. All I’m saying is that there should be some kind of reward.
Something. . .
Anything. . .
. . . other than a sad little (in more ways than one) trip to Victoria’s Secret.
Blindfolded
The next self-defense I have to learn is against knife attacks and "blindfold." I’m familiar with knife attacks. I spent an hour with an instructor back when I was pregnant going over knife self defense since they were the days of crazy people trying to take your baby. But blindfolded? I asked my instructor about it tonight and it’s as bad as it sounds.
You stand in the middle of the dojo, blindfolded. Other students have numbers and stand around you. The instructor uses hand signals to tell the other students which number goes first and they sneak up on you and attack. Punches and kicks are illegal, obviously, but grabs and holds are all fair game.
I’m not looking forward to it. Going with the whole confidence thing, I decided that I’m not going to show up at the dojo and be blindsided with it. I’m going to practice at home. Big I will probably think it’s a lot of fun if she gets to attack a blindfolded mommy, and my husband will probably think it’s a great opportunity to pinch my butt or something. Should be fun.
I am BBM; Hear me ROAR!
You know that Justin Timberlake song, "I’m bringing sexy back, Yeaah. . . "? Well, that’s how I feel tonight except take out the word "sexy" and insert "confidence." O.k., I know, that doesn’t really sound like a hit song or anything. Three syllable words don’t really work with those lyrics, but it works for me.
I’ve been doing some thinking lately and I’ve been a little disgusted with myself. Recent karate posts have been all mopey-like. I’ve been feeling incapable and undeserving of my brown belt. I’ve been feeling like a black belt is so far away, and that’s all I’ve been focused on when at the dojo-the end goal. I made a conscious decision to knock it off. If I don’t have the confidence yet, I’ll at least fake it and see how that works out.
Well, faking it did this amazing thing. . . it actually started to feel real. I went to karate class tonight with the attitude that I was going to walk in there and nail each kata, that I was going to be in control of my punches and kicks and not just go through the motions. I wanted to go and just be completely "on." And on I was. I decided I need to stop worrying so much about what other people think about me and just concentrate on what I think of myself. I’m not going to be able to do my kata’s the way my instructors who have 10+ years of experience do. That is unrealistic. I’m going to do my kata’s the way I should be doing them and work on making them even better.
Karate was a variety of review and new material tonight. During the kata’s I already know, I worked hard on the little details. I thought about each little thing like the level the punches should be at, the angles I should be on, how high my kicks should be. I took a much more introspective perspective tonight and I really liked it. It felt like "me time" again and that always feels wonderful.
I feel like I’ve been in a rut for the past few months, like I haven’t really been feeling it and this rut has gone beyond karate. I feel like this lack of confidence has affected other aspects of my life. Some people in my life have been saying anything they want to me or about me, without any regard for my feelings, and it’s going to stop. I’m tired of being nice all the time and not saying anything back. That’s going to stop too.
Karate is much easier and more fulfilling when I concentrate on me and my journey.
And like karate, my life is more fulfilling when I’m not worrying about what other people think about me, when I feel free to say how I feel without someone criticizing me for my feelings. Life just feels better when I’m concentrating on the relationships in my life that are important to me. If a relationship isn’t a healthy one, if it’s one-sided, if it’s only really on the surface, it’s not really a necessary one. I’m getting rid of the baggage and lightening my load so to speak. I’m getting rid of the doubt, and the relationships that aren’t working for me. Just saying that feels fabulous.
I’ve been trying to get this point across to Big I. I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to be friends with everyone. I told her that there are probably a handful of kids that are going to be really good friends to her and those are the relationships she should be concentrating on. She doesn’t have to be friends with everyone.
She keeps coming home from school and telling me how "Sara" was being mean to her. The next day she comes home from school and tells me that now "Sara" is being nice to her. She doesn’t understand it and frankly, neither do I. At first, I thought it was just Kindergarten. It’s the age. Five-year olds are fickle. But I’ve since realized that people don’t really change.
Those little arguements and stupid things just become less about crayons and playground games and more about politics, relationships, or other issues. The really important thing is to be confident in who you are as a person. It doesn’t matter what "Sara" says or does to Big I. If Big I is o.k. with who she is, then it’s going to roll off her shoulders. I also told her to beware of people who can be nice one day and mean the next. They’re not true friends and not worth her worrying about.
People sense when others can be taken advantage of, manipulated, or disrespected. It’s the same reason why predators go after certain types of people. They don’t pick confident people who walk with their head high. They pick those who appear vulnerable.
I haven’t listed any 2007 resolutions because I typically break my resolutions three days after the fact. Giving up potato chips and chocolate is just not a scenario that makes me feel comfortable. So, I’m not going to call it a resolution. Instead it’s a conscious decision to do two things that I’ll also encourage Big I to do:
- Have more confidence. If you don’t have it, fake it until you get it.
- Choose to focus on relationships with people who respect your opinion even when its not their own, who allow you to be yourself (whether that "self" is bitchy, ranting, complaining, whiny, sad, upset, hurt, happy, etc.). . . people who genuinely care about your well-being.
I think this will make a world of difference at the dojo and in my life in general. Without the burden of keeping up with relationships that don’t work, Big I and I will both have more time for the things and people that really matter.
Now delurk already! Apparently, it’s International Delurking Week or something and you’re legally obligated to at least say "hi."
People Change
Something changes when people become black belts. Maybe it’s a new found confidence that greets you when the belt is finally earned. Maybe it’s a deeper understanding of everything that you’ve been learning through the years. Maybe it’s a combination of the two or something else entirely, but something definitely changes.
I used to partner up frequently with a high school girl, back when she was a brown belt and I was a pregnant yellow and then green belt with what appeared to be a basketball under my gi. She’s now in college and I had the opportunity to partner up with her again while she’s on winter break. Sometimes when practicing self defense techniques, you’ll have a partner who takes it sort of easy on you. I tend to do this, probably because I’m most used to having my 5-year old daughter as my partner. Applying lots of force would be counterproductive to say the least. It’s good to go about it this way when someone is first learning a technique. But once you know the basics, as higher ranks should, it’s good to have someone who will hang on the way an attacker would, someone who won’t take it so easy on you.
I don’t know if it’s the absence of the belly for me, or the black belt and intimidating black gi for her, but her techniques were beyond being effective. They were intense and even though I knew what she was going to do, her speed made the techniques come as a surprise. I pity the poor fool who tries to grab her arm at college. He’s a goner, for sure.
Whether it’s the confidence, the experience, or both, I hope that I find that intensity in my techniques at some point. By the time I make it to black belt would be great. Heck, tomorrow would be cool too. In fact, anytime in the future would be just fabulous.
Just Don’t Ask Me To Lift My Arms
If I told you that it was difficult to get out of bed this morning because my back hurts so badly, and if I told you that lifting my arms above elbow level hurts immensely, you would probably assume that I had a rough night at karate.
You would be wrong.
The only thing rough about karate this week, was the fact that I am so insanely sore from playing the Wii. How is that possible? I am not in bad shape, but apparently the body motions required for playing Wii Sports are not ones that a body does on a regular basis and I am hurting proof of that. Either that or I am just getting old. I prefer the first reason.
I considered asking my instructor if we could do only things requiring feet and legs because my arms are seriously killing me. However, being sore from playing a video game is not exactly an excuse I’d like to share with everyone at the dojo so I didn’t.
At karate this week, it became apparent that I’m going to need to learn how to breathe properly through my kata’s. Since I already know my material for 2nd kyu, I am working on learning the things I’ll need to know for 1st kyu. Last week I worked on the second tunfa kata, Odo No Tunfa Ni. This week I worked on learning Pinan Godan, which is the shortest kata ever. The short thing is cool, but the breathing thing is not. I asked the black belt who was teaching me Pinan Godan to help me with it, and what he said makes sense. You breathe in your nose and you breathe out through your mouth. I never got the whole breathing in your nose part, so I’d end up breathing out when there was not much to breathe out and would start feeling short of breath. Then I’d start feeling light-headed and well, you try concentrating on doing kata when you’re feeling dizzy.
Last night, my instructor let me videotape him doing all of the material for 1st kyu and I am psyched. I love having them on video. We burn them onto our Tivo and then I can practice whenever I want, which makes learning new material so much easier. I wish I would have thought of doing this much earlier in my karate career. Not only does it make learning kata a breeze, but it’s also fabulous blackmail material having your instructor on videotape (just kidding Mr. M!). I told him last night that he just might end up on You Tube.
I might also put up a video of Big I playing Wii Boxing. She is fabulous and has yet to be beat! She knocks out her opponents in the first round almost every single time. Her technique is somewhat. . . haphazard and could probably really help some people. It might also be worth a laugh or two.
When I can lift my arms again, I’ll get right on it.
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
