Facebook is Like Mustard and Other Reasons I’m Not Ready for Fall Semester
I need to get my syllabus ready for the fall semester and I haven't done it yet. Procrastination becomes me. Here's the thing though. I have good reason for procrastinating and being a little bit scared of what's to come this semester.
Each summer, I spend several days during freshman orientation, reading abysmal essays that make me want to laugh and cry, sometimes simultaneously. The good ones are few and far between. It's amazing how clueless students can be without an open word doc in front of them. Some of them have such horrible handwriting that it's not even possible to give the essay an accurate read. But I always leave each reading session with a list of "greatest hits" and I'd like to share some of them with you.
This year, students were asked to respond to one of three questions. One asked students to discuss Facebook and whether or not they feel Facebook needs a new code of conduct. Another question inquired about how students think the oil spill should be dealt with and handled by corporations. The last question asked students to discuss standardized testing and whether or not they feel tests are good representations of intelligence.
As I'm sure you can guess, most of our essays were about Facebook. We actually got to the point, during our third session, where we divided up the essays and tortured ourselves with the Facebook ones first. They lacked critical thinking; in fact, most lacked any and all semblance of thinking. Here are some of the "best of" examples:
Best use of two words that are not the actual words intended: "I was up hauled that Facebook didn't have a better code of conduct." Um-hmm, that would be appalled.
Best use of a misspelled rock: "Don't take anything for granit."
Best example of logical thinking: "One of the biggest dangers of online activity is that you might encounter some "unfriendly stalkers." Yeah, you don't really need to worry about the friendly stalkers, just those pesky unfriendly ones.
Best use of food to get point across: "I donut know how I feel about this issue." Someone was hungry.
Best invention of new time period: "I can't stand it when people act like a pre-Madonna." Hey, at least this student knew to capitalize Madonna. And for all of you who were not certain before, we have BC, AD and now PM (pre-Madonna) time periods.
Most startling revelation:"If Facebook were banned, people would have no way to connect with friends." True enough, because we don't have anything like phones or mailboxes where people could connect. And interaction in person? Nah, that wouldn't work.
Best first sentence: "To begin with, I am choosing essay number 3." The essays were lettered.
Best use of patriotism: "The attacks on 9/11 couldn't break our seals. Us Americans came together." Yep, our seals are patriotic animal folk. They rose above and helped "us Americans" by clapping those silly little flippers and barking us right back to normal.
Best person to write a new code of conduct for Facebook: "Facebook should make you don't write no threats." For real people.
Best way to get put in remedial English: Write a killer good essay and then on the front of your booklet, fill in where it says "subject" with the word: "writting."
Best invention of new words: nototion and vestate. Huh?
Best phonetic spelling (or something): suppost (supposed), sorce (source), awial (awhile), and pedafiles (pedophiles), precousious (precautious), oppurinity (opportunity). There were just too many awesome examples to choose only one.
Best combination of words: "everywhichway"
Best new inventive use for a word: "Facebook allows you to meet new people to a certain decent."
I have to say though, that my favorite essay of the entire summer, took a giant risk by comparing Facebook to mustard. Anyone want to guess how those two are alike? Go for it. Think like an incoming freshman and knock my socks off.
The Good and the Ugly (No Need for the Bad)
Today was my first day back on campus and it was a good one. I'm teaching Fundamentals of Speech only this semester; and although it's at 8 a.m. I am pumped for this semester. First, I don't know how it happened, but this adjunct got one of the best rooms on campus. I have white boards. I have projector screens that automatically emerge from the ceiling at the push of a button. I have some ELMO thing that I don't even know how to use, but I have one. I also have enough computers for all my students, comfortably arranged around the perimeter of the room which is going to make a HUGE difference when we start researching speech topics. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but praying to the classroom assignment gods and maybe having done a semester of chalkboard purgatory have done me well.
In addition to the fantastic surroundings, I seem to have a great group of students. I have six students from previous semesters who are all awesome, and the new students seem to be a nice group of kids as well. My class is loaded with athletes and nursing majors. I might as well just give them all A's now. I had one eye-rolling girl (there's always one) who warmed up after about 15 minutes and they all seemed like good sports, even when I announced that they'd be giving a short speech today. I see a lot of potential in this group and am excited to go back to class on Thursday. Here's hoping this trend continues.
On another note, I had my awesome physical therapist and his wonderfully talented graphic designer wife over for dinner and fun this weekend. I whipped out my knee once again and had him take a look at it. Once again, my PT strongly recommended I go back to see the surgeon. I asked him what he thinks is going on and he mentioned the possibility of something going on with the screw in my tibia. Perhaps it's backing out. Sometimes screws need to be removed.
Mr. BBM did some research on it and found me pages of people on the internet who have the same problems that I have: unreasonable pain at the tibia site, the ability to feel the screw through my skin, bruising that won't go away, pain that doesn't quit, the inability to kneel in any way, shape or form without looking like a crazy person. I felt a gush of relief when I saw the pages of people with the same issue. I also felt fresh new fear.
Many people who have the problems I have had to have another surgery to remove the screw. Almost everyone who went this route reported incision pain for a couple days, followed by relief, sweet, sweet relief. If that's the problem, and it has to be done, then it's going to get done. It would absolutely figure that I'm one of the 3% who would have this problem. The symptoms seem to match up exactly to what mine are and I'm going to make an appointment and see what I can do about it.
On one hand I'm happy to know I'm not alone and that something can be done if this is my problem. On the other hand, it's another surgery, the third one on the same knee. That, I dread. However, knowing there are options and that I won't have to just accept pain as part of my daily life is a good thing.
If surgery is required, I'll need to time it just right, probably over spring break, so that I won't need to take any time away from campus. But hopefully, if this is the path I have to take, it will be the last time I have to walk down the surgery aisle, squeezing a gown shut behind me and hoping for the best. In my wildest dreams I imagine myself doing karate without feeling any pain. That alone, would be worth it right there.
American Idol It
During the first month of the semester, I did an activity with my writing class that helped shape the rest of the class. I gave them the topic of American Idol, put them in groups and told them to write down everything they knew about the topic.They thought I was crazy but they did it for a while. When they had exhausted everything they knew about American Idol, I asked them to think outside of the box and look for deeper meaning in the things they had written down.
At first, I got blank stares. Still, I held my tongue. I wanted to see what they could come up with. I didn't want to give them any further instruction because I wanted to see what they would do with my request. Slowly, activity and conversation started to pick up in the classroom. Soon there was much discussion and writing.
When I brought the class back together a little while later, what they had done was amazing. They had taken something as simple as "Simon Cowell" and turned it into a potential love triangle with Paula Abdul. They had taken American Idol auditions and turned it into a commentary on society and how we enjoy watching people self-destruct on live television. That piece of information was taken even further and before I knew it we had the entire chalkboard full of out of the box thinking and ideas. We had conspiracy theories, societal problems and concern over those crazy people who audition.
I asked them at the end of class, to write down what they had learned. Whenever I wanted them to dig deeper into their topic throughout the semester, I told them to "American Idol" it. Because of this activity, they knew just what I wanted and they got to work. These past couple days, as I reviewed their portfolios, journal entries, final research papers and final reflection papers, I realized just how much they have learned. About 70% of my class wrote something about how "American Idoling" their papers has helped them. It was a simple activity that I thought might work and it turned into a critical thinking exercise that defined our semester.
One student who never seemed to particularly like me wrote in her final paper that "American Idol" is not and should not ever be used as a verb and that she thought it was "stupid." Of all the research papers, hers was the one that lacked analysis and critical thinking the most.
Although I am mostly thrilled with the final papers (I gave some of the highest grades I've ever given) and with the progress of most of my students, it is this comment that will stick in my head. From now until I teach that course again, I will be contemplating how to reach all students in the classroom, how to get everyone to buy into the critical thinking I wanted them to do to create better papers. I hate that I will let one negative comment bother me, but I will.
It is dulled though by what happened after my final speech class. One of my writing students came jumping into my room with a paper in hand. It was her theology paper and she got an A on it. I told her I was proud of her; it was quite obvious she was proud of herself. As I packed up my stuff to leave, I asked her if she had come to show me because she applied what she learned in my writing class. Sheepishly she said, "Yeah," as she doodled on the board and drew a heart with the words "Love Ms. B" underneath.
Heart doodling to the forefront; American Idol as a verb comment to the back please.
Ah, now that's better.
If you'd like to see some other education in action, please check out this website for information regarding a cool science fair!
Put that in Your Pipe and Celebrate!!!
There is NOTHING more exciting than watching an idea come to fruition. Last week, I sent an email inquiring about the Jazz Fest in our area. One week later, our country club is a venue and we're featuring an awesome band. It is going to be awesome, and I feel like it is just the beginning of all the new and exciting things that are going to happen at the club. I'm hoping it's the first of many cool things I can help to get going at the club. It is certainly a week to celebrate, with the Jazz Fest actually happening for us and it being the last week of class at the university where I teach.
Today was my last day of class. When I arrived on campus, I had students who were still putting their writing portolio's together. Unbelievable. I actually had to raise my voice on the last day of class. Truly unbelievable.
My speech class showed up and was more prepared. During the last day of each semester for my speech class, I allow my students to create impromptu speech questions for me. I review them, discard the inappropriate ones like "which one of your students would you date and why?" and do some impromptu speeches for them.
This semester I answered the question about my most embarrassing moment (which I'm just not prepared to discuss on the blog yet-who knows if I ever will be ready to share that horror?). I also answered the question about who my favorite Flyers hockey player is: Rick Tocchet. No brainer there. Finally, I answered the question, "If you could smoke weed with one of your students who would it be and why?"
Shocked that I received that question? Yeah, so was I.
When I told them I was going to answer it, there were nervous giggles all around; but they didn't get quite what they expected. I told them that I wouldn't smoke weed with any of them because I don't smoke weed. Then I used it as a public service announcement to tell them that I thought they were all amazing people and that I truly hoped they would quit smoking weed since it's clear so many of them already are doing so. I said I didn't understand why any of them would feel it necessary to use drugs to have fun. I told them that in my experience, I've seen weed make people act stupid, that it would probably make them lazy and dumb, like the kid who did an impromptu speech in class a few weeks ago who actually said the reason he was failing all his classes is because he's been smoking too much weed. I also told them that if they are education or nursing majors, they better knock it off now. Getting caught once will ruin their future careers.
When I was finished, I reviewed my main points and wrapped up my little speech. They sat there stunned and obviously thinking. I'm glad I gave them something to think about on the last day, which is typically a wrapping-up-loose-ends-day.
I should have concluded my speech with "stick that in your pipes and smoke it."
No Sympathy
Last week, I had a student miss both of my classes. Out with the swine flu, she kept in almost constant contact with me, updating me as to when she thought she'd be able to come back, asking questions about upcoming assignments and doing her best to avoid falling behind.
After getting the approval to come back to class, she sat in my class on Tuesday and looked awful. Her cough sounded even worse than she looked. I asked her if she was ok and she blurted out, "no." You could tell she felt lousy. She still showed up with a partial annotated bibliography in hand, just to make sure she was doing it correctly.
Last night, I got an email from her saying she had been sent to the hospital after Health Services listened to her lungs. She has pneumonia. I didn't expect to see her. We made arrangements via email for her to get her work done.
Today, she showed up at class. As I was walking in I saw her and stopped in my tracks. "What are you doing here? Are you feeling better?"
She looked awful. Once again, she blurted out, "no." She then went on to tell me that since she's no longer contagious, she couldn't get an excused absense from the university. So there she was at 7:55 a.m. ready to attend class.
I sent her back to her dorm to rest.
When I have students like this, so dedicated to their work and their grades, it makes it particularly difficult for me to have any sympathy for those who take regular "personal days." Those students should know that the day of reckoning is quickly approaching. Only three classes remain, and they are in serious trouble.
I am also in serious trouble in my fantasy leagues. If you'd like to read about it, go here.
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