Train the Brain
I don’t own a dog and I never have; but I do know what it’s like to walk one that doesn’t want to cooperate. Every dog owner has probably had those moments when you want the dog to walk and it just won’t. Today, I was that dog.
After 90 weighted leg lifts, 15 minutes of needing-to-go-to-my-special-place flexion torture, 15 tension filled minutes on the bike, 4 sets on the leg press, 90 band exercises, and 10 minutes of walking backwards on an inclined treadmill, my PT gave me a new exercise.
Instead of doing wall squats with the safety and the comfort of a wall behind me to catch me, my PT handed me a stick resembling a jo.
Standing in the middle of the PT room, he showed me how he wanted me to do a proper squat, stick on my shoulders like a bar-bell with my knees bending evenly and my butt sticking out. He demonstrated and then told me to try it.
I stood there.
I stood there some more.
I simply could not do it. Wall squats have been going fine, but I know there’s a wall there to catch me. What if I bent and fell? What if I bent and couldn’t get back up and fell? I tried to make my knees bend but they didn’t want to cooperate.
I laughed a nervous laugh and said, "This is so mental and I don’t know if I can."
After another minute, I gave it a try, bending my good leg first and following with the bad leg. I totally cheated and my PT called me on it, but told me to try again. I did and this time I got a little bit better at it. I had to completely shut my mind off, because it was screaming at me "KNOCK IT OFF! WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? YOU JUST HAD SURGERY AND NOW YOU’RE STANDING HERE TRYING TO SQUAT? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
My inner self isn’t usually that irate, but she was today. I appeased her with a beach scene the way I do when she wants to curse during flexion exercises and kept at it.
Each squat was a little better and my PT told me to just work on it at home. I have spent so much time guarding that knee since the injury that I’m going to need to completely retrain my brain to trust it again. It’s like I have an overprotective mother in there just screaming out rules and regulations. She needs to chill out so I can work on getting better.
While my brain was chilling out out on the beach, I made it to 137 degrees flexion. That’s a 5 degree improvement from last week. I’d like to hit 140 on Friday. My PT told me that this last bit comes very slowly and gradually so that I shouldn’t push too hard or get too disappointed with myself. I’m a perfectionist and I’m obviously now hearing voices, so what else could he possibly expect from me? This, by the way, comes from the man who tells me that on Friday, I am doing all of my exercises without my brace on.
That should be a fun day for my inner demon. She’s already starting to freak out because she doesn’t want to learn any "new tricks."
Put me Down for $0
My kids have started "answering" the phone. This is quite disturbing for someone who considers herself the ultimate professional in phone call screening. I wouldn’t mind so much if the kids just handed me the phone without answering it; but their little thumbs hit "talk" almost every time and I’m left to wonder exactly who the person is waiting for me. The person waiting for me is probably wondering why they’ve been dropped 10 times and why a certain member of our household likes to heavy breathe into the phone too, but I’m more worried about me.
Over the weekend, Big I picked up the phone and hit "talk." She handed me the phone and I assumed it was Mr. BBM or my parents. It wasn’t.
"Good afternoon M’am. I’m Joe Annoying and I’m calling today to represent. . . ."
He continued on for a good four minutes leaving me no opportunity to even begin to cut him off. Plus, I was totally off my game since the phone had been answered for me. Sigh.
Finally I had my opening as he said, "So M’am, I’ll put you down for a donation of $35 and send you a thank you decal. I just need to get your information."
"I’m sorry, but I really can’t right now" I said.
"That’s o.k." he said cheerfully, "we have different levels. Let me put you down for $25."
"Even that right now is going to be. . . "
"Then let me put you down for a measley donation of just $15. . ."
"I really can’t," I said. "I just had major surgery and I have to pay for a bunch of it. Plus I have to pay for physical therapy. I really just can’t right now in any amount, unless of course, you’d like to go ask my health insurance company to pay more or call my doctor up and ask him to lower the amount that I owe him. I haven’t even gotten the hospital bill yet, so you can imagine. . ."
"What kind of surgery did you have M’am?"
He was totally trying to call my bluff.
"ACL reconstruction," I said.
"Oh MAN!" he said, "That is THE worst. That is SO painful and awful and it takes so long to come back from it. When was your surgery?"
"December," I said, "right before Christmas."
"Oh Man! I should let you go. You probably need your rest and stuff. I’m SO sorry for bothering you today M’am. You take it easy and have a good recovery. Best of luck to you. I’m really sorry for bothering you."
And with that he was gone. He hung up. I kid you not.
Blink.
Blink.
After he hung up, I summoned Big I and asked her to PLEASE not answer the phone unless we know exactly who is on the other end of that phone line. She will thank me for this lesson when she hits her teenage years and doesn’t want to go to the school dance with Harold. Perhaps we’ll fabricate an ACL injury for her at that point. Feel free to fabricate your own considering that it can totally get you out of tele-marketing calls.
“Disgusting” and Liking It
I had my 6 week post-op appointment today with my surgeon. I’ll be 6 weeks officially on Monday. He checked out my knee, grinned and told me how great I’m doing. He did that pulling test that he did on me before surgery. My leg barely budged. Before it felt like he could just pull it right off. I’m realizing that my knee is stable. It is better; I just need to give it time to heal now. My surgeon also reminded me that while the outside incision areas may be disappearing quickly, I need to remember that there was a whole lot happening on the inside and all of that trauma is going to take some serious time to heal.
My knees at almost 6 weeks post-op (I think you can tell them apart).
He officially welcomed me to the boredom stage. For the past two weeks, my body has been breaking down the graft and for the next six weeks, my body will work on building it back up. I need to be very careful during this crucial don’t-screw-it-up time period. I’ve been given instructions to start walking around the house without the brace from time to time to see how it feels, with plans to get rid of the brace within the next week or two (minus excursions outside the house where they still want me to wear it so people don’t bump into me, etc.).
I didn’t break any flexion records at PT today. I pretty much stayed where I was on Wednesday. Considering that I barely did any of my PT yesterday since I was busy dealing with a 24 hour virus, I wasn’t too disappointed. While I was on the table working on my leg lifts, another woman was laying on a table a few down from me. She still had steri-strips on her knee. I heard her tell my PT that I was "disgusting" because of how I was able to do leg lifts.
My PT said to her, "Try to think of it as: that’s the goal."
When I was done with my table exercises, I Lance Armstronged it on the bike for 15 minutes (while visualizing kata), added another 5 lbs. to the leg press machine and then spent a couple minutes walking backwards on the treadmill. I had to look straight ahead because looking down was so funny and disorienting. I started imagining myself on one of those crazy treadmill commercials where the person goes flying off and into the wall.
Walking on an incline, the goal is to use long backward strides which help with walking and extension. Thankfully, I kept it together and made it off there alive.
The college rugby player who is seven weeks ahead of me has been my goal. Now I’m somebody’s goal. It feels really nice to be a goal. Go ahead and call me "disgusting." It’s the most flattering compliment I’ve heard in a while.
***The BBM Review is giving away three boxes of customizable fruit roll-ups, just in time for Valentine’s Day. All you have to do is follow the directions and leave a comment there telling me the sweetest Valentine or message you’ve ever sent or received. You can even cheat and just leave a nice Valentine’s message for me. The sweetest three will win! Winners will be decided next week! Hurry up and enter here.
Don’t Call it a Comeback
I fully expected to be tortured today at physical therapy. I worked so hard on my bike yesterday that this morning, I was hurting. The back of my knee was just killing me and when I tried to work on flexion this morning, it was a lost cause.
I walked into PT with the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was obvious to my PT. On the table beside me, sat the college rugby player who had ACL reconstruction seven weeks before me. He was the one who warned me three days before my surgery that it was awful. He gave me this huge smile and asked me how I’ve been. We spent our table time discussing our recoveries. He asked me where my flexion was and when I told him I was at 129 last week, his eyes got wide.
"Girl! That’s good," he said. "I didn’t hit 130 until nine weeks!"
He went on to tell me that he had a lot of problems with swelling and that it wasn’t until his 8th week that he got to ride the bike. He was shocked that I was riding already, let alone two weeks ago. That made me feel awesome. All along, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself thinking that I’m not a world class athlete and I’m not young like a lot of people who have this surgery. It’s just going to take me longer. According to him, I’m way ahead of the game.
For your listening pleasure, some tunes to match my mood for the day with particular emphasis on the following lyrics. Just substitute "knee" for "land" and "PT room" for "itty bitty world":
"I’m gonna rock this land
I’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
And I’m just gettin warm"
My ACL friend went on to walk backwards on the treadmill and work on some lateral movement exercises and I started working on my flexion. My PT came over and started bending my leg a bit. I told him I was going to have a lousy day, that my flexion had been horrible this morning. . . and then he measured me at 133 degrees and it didn’t even really hurt all that much. I was shocked.
He put me on the bike for 15 minutes with a tension level of three and I managed to ride over four and a half miles in that time. I also broke a sweat and got a good work out. When I felt like I couldn’t pedal any faster, I imagined my beach bod this summer. I truly will be in the best shape of my life by then. Slacking off is not a choice with this recovery, so I’m hoping that I can continue the working out trend once I’m healed completely.
After the bike, it was on to the leg press machine, where we added another 10 pounds and another set (up to four now). When I was finished with all my exercises, my PT told me how awesome I’m doing and gave me a high five. He does not distribute high five’s for just anyone or any accomplishment. In fact, I’ve only ever seen him give them to me. Uh-huh, that’s right.
Then he watched me walk with the brace unlocked. The grin spread across his face and he told me I can keep it unlocked. "You’re walking GREAT!" he told me. He was genuinely excited and so was I. It feels weird walking without it locked, but having the freedom to walk normally again feels AMAZING. I’m guessing that in another week or two, this brace will be officially gone.
What was going to be my birthday party/black belt party may instead be my "crutches and brace are gone" party. (Did I happen to mention that the crutches are gone as of last week?) And yes, there will be music by LL Cool J at my party, and you better believe I’ll be chair dancing my butt off.
***Make sure to check out The BBM Review today. We’re letting you know about exciting contests and have three prizes to give away next week!"
Whipped Cream on the Horizon
Nothing makes you forget your worries and stress like being around a newborn baby. I spent most of the day with my cousin and her three-week old baby girl. I held her for hours, helped my cousin figure out a more comfortable way to nurse (for which I’m now being told I should be a lactation consultant), gave her my EZ bather (to borrow, since I’m still super attached to all my baby stuff and can’t officially close that door yet), and helped her give the baby a bath. It felt good to be around a little baby, and it also felt good to help out my cousin. It was nice to think about someone else’s issues for a little while.
I don’t know what Mr. BBM was thinking today. Apparently, he spent part of the afternoon while I was gone, shooting Reddi-Whip into the ready and giggly mouths of my girls. I’m thinking that leaving him alone with them on any type of regular basis would probably be a bad idea, especially considering that Lil C now grabs the whipped cream from the refrigerator with demands that she "vants more now, peeease."
Blissfully unaware that my kids were doing whipped cream shots at home, and after staring at a baby all day, it was time for torture PT. Today, I was able to add tension to the bike and go around comfortably from the start. Having my own bike at home is making a difference. We added 5 lbs to the leg press exercises, and my PT also added wall squats to my already lengthy exercise list. He also watched me walk a bit with the brace unlocked. It felt really weird. Next week, we’re unlocking the brace for walking. I’m supposed to practice at home. Something tells me I won’t be walking the runway anytime soon though.
I am now allowed to sleep without the brace on at all, provided my extension doesn’t suffer for it. I can’t wait to go to bed tonight! WOO HOO! I hit 129 degrees flexion today too, which was a nice increase from 125 on Tuesday. Slow and steady seems to be the name of the game here. I’d like to hit the upper 130’s by the end of next week.
I’ve been down in the dumps about this recovery, realizing how ridiculously long it’s going to take to get back to normal. Today, while adding three more leg exercises to the mix, I realized that I’m going to have killer legs for the beach. The leg lifts are also working my abs. I’m going to try to be more positive about all of it. It’s going to be a roller coaster with ups and inevitable downs. Truth be told, I’m not really fond of thrill rides. This one isn’t giving me the option to sit on a park bench with some ice cream though.
One of my friends had ACL reconstruction done on both of his knees and he’s doing great now. He said the surgery forced him to get in the best shape of his life; and he does look fabulous. That’s what I’m going to focus on.
To go along with my peg-leg pirate walk, I’m also going to adopt the Pirates of the Caribbean saying, and continue to "keep a weathered eye on the horizon." I’m also going to treat myself to a whipped cream shot from the fridge. I think I deserve one.
***The latest review is up at The BBM Review. If you’re looking for a new work out system, make sure you check it out.
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