April 6, 2011

It’s Real Now

For the past seven weeks, I’ve had moments where I wondered if this pregnancy thing is truly a reality. In the beginning, you feel so miserable and I did, trust me. But other than the green exterior, there are very few other physical signs to say “it’s real.” On Monday I had my first midwife appointment. Before it, I was nervous. When I was pregnant with Sassy, at my first appointment, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. It was a Friday so the earliest I could go for an ultrasound was the following Monday. I spent the weekend, entertaining weekend house guests and feeling miserable. I’d burst into tears frequently. It was a horrible wait. I worried the same thing would happen this time.

As soon as I saw my midwife, my nerves eased up. She always had such a calming affect on me. She was always so supportive and there for me whenever I had a question or was stressed out. During the birth, the other midwife who I didn’t even know that well, picked up where she left off. The birth experience with Sassy was amazing. It was hard and painful but yet relaxed. It was a completely different experience than when I brought Big I into the world.

The whole time I sat there on Monday, discussing my birth choices and how I’d really like to avoid induction and have a birth center birth this time, I was sort of in disbelief. Am I really doing this again? I was finished, or so I thought.

And then it was time to find the heartbeat. My own heart pounded. This is the moment you find out if it’s real or not. And there it was. . . instantly. . . 160 beats a minute. My midwife smiled and said that was one active and healthy baby in there. The relief that washed over me was instantaneous. The reality hit. Sassy heard her sister or brother’s heartbeat for the first time (and insisted there’s more than one in there). The midwife thinks there’s only one though (talk about more relief). In six weeks we’ll have an ultrasound and it will be even more real. I am getting so excited. . .