August 3, 2010

BlogHer10 BBM Orientation

I was a nervous wreck about going to BlogHer this weekend. Then I started getting comments and emails and tweets from people I haven't met yet who are also going. It has helped to ease my mind immensely. But there are always a couple things that still make me nervous, especially when you consider who I am and what I write about.

First, I teach English and Communications classes as an adjunct. Frequently, when someone first meets you and finds out you have a degree in English, they will pull a random three-word quote out of the air from some obscure piece of literature and start quizzing you, Jeopardy style, on exactly who said that when and to whom. Let me save you the trouble. . . I'll likely not know it. You see, I have quotation anxiety. When I was going to school at Pitt, I took a class called "Bible as Literature." We had two tests the entire semester and read the entire bible during the course of one long and painful semester. The midterm was brutal and I didn't do well at all, despite the fact that I had studied endlessly. The final wasn't much better. In fact, every random biblical quote that my professor had pulled from the Bible, I got wrong. You were supposed to say who said it or what it was referring to and place the book in the bible. When I got my final back, I was horrified. Never had I seen such a large amount of merciless red ink. I knew I had failed and worse yet, had probably failed the course too. And then I flipped to the back page. My professor wrote me a personal note. It said something to the effect of: "You got every quotation wrong. However, it is blatantly obvious that you studied very hard for this exam. So, how about a C-." I was never so happy.

Of course, if you come up to me and ask me random "Twilight" trivia, I will probably know it. Ask my neighbor. I won her a bottle of wine and myself a magazine subscription. I'm not exactly proud of this, but it's a fact. It is what it is. And just so we're clear, I'm Team Edward.

Second, as a martial artist, you are frequently subjected to the English teacher line of questioning, but instead make it about self defense. For example, a random person will walk up to you and say, "So you're a martial artist, huh?" and then proceed to throw a slow mock-punch at you (if they're kind-sometimes they come at you much more quickly) and see what you do. But being a martial artist isn't about being the party trick girl. It's about self defense. So, at BlogHer, you shouldn't expect me to start throwing people around to demonstrate my knowledge. And please, no random punches.

Third, people should know that while I'm pretty good at remembering a face, I can't remember names well at all. I will probably spend much of the two day conference staring at your name tag from afar even if we've already talked for like two hours. I'm not trying to ogle you; I'm just trying to figure out who you are already. And if you happen to resemble someone I already know, I will probably call you the name of the person I know. Just ask my former student Diana. . . I mean, Erin.

Finally, you should also know that if I'm standing and talking to you, I might start to look uncomfortable. It's not you; it's my knee and I may just need to sit down. The leg is not 100% and I will frequently be choosing to sit over standing( and unfortunately over dancing despite the fact that I'm practically a dancing queen). If I happen to sit on the floor and you see me there for a while, it may be because I'm having trouble getting up. If my leg is feeling particularly cranky, I'm kind of like that "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady from years gone by. So, help a girl out; we'll be instant friends.

I am starting to get really excited about meeting so many cool people and learning so many new things. In just two days, this Black Belt Mama will be NYC-bound. I can't wait!