October 7, 2009
Not That Black Belt
Before I tested for my black belt, I already made up my mind. I wasn't going to be the black belt that gets the belt and then drops off the face of the Earth. Coming up through the ranks, I had seen that happen. There were several people who would test, get their belt, and then only show up occasionally. Sometimes when I asked them questions, they couldn't give me an answer or remember a kata. I didn't want to be that person.
Yesterday I realized I was quickly becoming that person.
I hadn't been to the dojo in two weeks and I was missing it. However, once you miss a class or four of them, it's difficult to get back on the horse. I was talking about this phenomenon with my students yesterday who were concerned about another student who hasn't come for the past three classes. They couldn't understand his behavior, but I can.
What happens is simple and it happened to me my freshman year as well. You miss one class and then when the next class comes up, you don't want to go because you're afraid you'll be called out or that you missed something important in the class you already missed. So you don't go again. Now you've missed two, so missing the third class is even more likely because now you're a week behind! It's easy to fall into a bad pattern.
I didn't want that to be me either. It felt lousy as a college student and it feels no different as an adult.
I quickly ate some leftovers and told Mr. BBM that I was going to both classes last night. Tuesday night is really the only time this is even an option for me since it's the one day that Mr. BBM works from home. I haven't attended a Monday night class in months. Asking Mr. BBM to work an entire day, drive an hour plus commute, and add on top of that an extra 20 minutes to get to the dojo to pick up and take the girls home so I can stay for class just doesn't seem fair.
So for once, I arrived at 6 to take the early class and I was glad I did. Warm-ups were brutal because I am out of practice. We did about 140 jumping jacks to start and I thought my left calf muscle would be rendered useless for the rest of the class. Thankfully it wasn't. This marked only the second time that when we lined up to rei in, I had to take my spot where the yudansha stand. Being the only other black belt in attendance at the early class last night, I was the only one in this spot and it felt weird. Thankfully, I knew what to do for the rei in. The Rei out was a different and embarrassing story, but you have to learn somehow.
We worked on basics for the entire first class and it felt good to get back to the bricks and mortar of training. We have so many new white belts whose names I didn't even know so it was nice to attend the early class and get to know them a little better. The best part of the night had to be thrust kicking the bags. It felt so incredibly good to really kick something. Although training for my Shodan test was intense and almost every night of the week in some way, shape, or form, I can honestly say that I miss it. When training every night, you can feel yourself get stronger and better at what you're doing. This two weeks in between classes has got to stop for me.
When the night was over, I was drenched in sweat and felt completely exhausted but good. I doubt anyone else noticed (Thank God) but during the two hours of training, I had hit myself in the face once when I got confused during a moving drill, and I cracked myself on the head with my tunfa too. This is what happens when you're not there on a regular basis, and when you're exhausted to begin with.
Exhausted or not from trying to mold resistant university students into responsible hard workers, I have to make more of an effort to get into class. I felt like I was neglecting my family and other responsibilities during those few months leading up to the shodan test, so there has to be a balance when you have a family, when you're a mom and also a teacher. But I also know that I'm a better person when I train regularly.
Oh, and I know, I know, I know. Pictures of Lil C's birthday and the infamous mermaid cookies are to come, probably tomorrow.
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Hey there, BBM…
Your post reminded me of something a sensei said to me when I was still a 1st kyu: “There are those who ARE black belts and those who simply HAVE a black belt,” he said. And he’s right. Can’t tell you how many dans I only see during gradings or seminars; they gi up, strap on their belt, sweat a little, then pack everything away until the next grading or seminar – but it is what it is. I know that sometimes life gets in the way – evident by the fact that almost all of my instructors (save for one) have had to take chunks of time away from MA at some point (but they all came back, eventually). So many folks see their MA journey as the trip through the ranks TO yudansha. You aren’t one of them 🙂
For that very reason, I choose the path of instructing. It keeps you on your toes and gives you a reason to turn up whether you feel like it or not!
Also, even when on a friday, I have no energy left, I know that after a good training session, I will feel totally refreshed.
And finally, even if you’re good, if you don’t train on a regular basis, your level will take a big dive!
Keep up the good work!
BBM –
It’s hard. I don’t have children and I have to drag my butt into kung fu class after a day of working in academia. I can’t imagine how much harder that is to do with children!
The good news is I usually feel pretty good after class!
Oh, I know right where you are – except I’m only a yellow belt. With all the domestic stuff going on (just getting back w/my husband after a 7 mo separation) it is really tough taking time away from the family to go to class. And I have talked to my senseis regarding this and they completely understand. I need to get the routine going at home again and then I will be able to better focus on my martial arts. I feel guilty but I know I just can’t wrap my head around m.a. right now. But I also know it is not something I want to give up.
There are times when I suspect my sensei of arranging his daughter’s soccer schedule exactly to prevent this. Since I became a black belt, I’ve been solely responsible for teaching class half a dozen times because Sensei had a conflict with a soccer game. The days I’m not teaching, I know I’d better be there or I’m going to lose the edge I need to teach!
I have been a slacker on going to the gym since my test, though. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day.
No matter how tough a class has been I can honestly say there has never been a time I regretted going. Sometimes “discipline” is just getting to the dojo. But with managing kids, work and whatnot it can be very trying making time for karate. For the times I can’t make it down to the school I have opted to train on my own. Granted, it’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.
Running a school has always forced me to be there every time. I myself I am glad it is no longer an option to skip.
I remember when I lived in Japan the most difficult thing in all the arts is pulling yourself off the coach on a cold day after work to go train. Getting your butt to the dojo IS the practice.