August 17, 2009

That’s How You Know

You know it's time to go off the Prednisone that has been making you beyond cranky when. . .

-You step on the scale and the only thing that comes to your mind is "Woah" followed by regret that you allowed your kids to talk you into buying the 3 ft. high container of cheese balls at the grocery store, which you ate in like two days time while your 3-year old pleadingly told you to "take it easy" and "leave some for me."

-You hear your 8-year old coughing all night long and the entire morning and you flash to the scene from "The Witches of Eastwick" in your head. You know, the one where the husband puts his wife out of misery and beats her with a fireplace poker thing? You contemplate putting her and yourself out of misery because if she coughs one more time, you will totally and completely lose it.

-Your husband walks around outside with you so you can explain your landscaping plans and when he turns his head for one second, you accuse him of not paying any attention to you ever and swear at him under your breath, except not really under your breath, as you come back inside and tell him you are so done with his attitude problem.

-You pack up earlier than you planned at the pool when the Banshee's mother arrives and fails to discipline her child AGAIN after her banshee hit some kid, and you know that you have to leave or else you might possibly take the banshee Mom and drown her in front of a pool full of onlooking Mom's and kids.

I warned my allergist that someone might die when he put me on Pred. Today is the last day. As long as no one pushes my buttons, people may survive my roid rage.