May 14, 2009

It’s In There-17 Months Post ACL Surgery

I've been making a concentrated effort to spend more time at the dojo the past few weeks. I usually attend classes twice a week, but I've been adding an extra class here and there. I've been on the cusp of recovering all the kata and knew that the more I worked on it, the more cobwebs I'd be able to shake off.

This week, I've been at the dojo every night so far. Big I had ju-jutsu last night, so while she attended class downstairs, I went upstairs and ran through all of the kobudo kata. I think I have finally reached the point where I'm able to stop beating myself up mentally for putting kata on the back burner during my injury recovery. It's in there. It's really, finally, in there again.

I'm back to that familiar place where I'm falling asleep each night after running through a couple kata in my head. I'm talking about karate to Mr. BBM non-stop. I'm excited about how my bunkai is coming along. Despite the fact that a couple moves are still a little difficult for me (probably always will be), like the jump in the one tunfa kata and the kneel down in one of our open hand kata, I'm finally at the point where I've run through things enough times to know that my knee is holding up. It is no longer a stopping point, at least in kata (as long as my teachers are willing to accept the fact that I'm probably never going to be able to land on my left leg after that one jump). I'm even running on the treadmill now without swelling up.

The first couple weeks back were rough. I felt undeserving of the belt wrapped around my waist. I felt awkward and uncomfortable. It would have been really easy to throw in the towel. I won't deny that I thought about it while driving home after a few rough nights at the dojo. But I was determined to get back to my pre-injury state. I gradually accepted that I wouldn't be the same ever again; but I wanted to get as close as possible.

My knee is far from pre-injury state. It sometimes feels stiff and awful after a workout or a night at the dojo. When I stand up from sitting, sometimes I limp a bit. I can almost always tell you when it's going to rain; my knee is more accurate than the Weather Channel. But I feel like I am settling into the post-injury me and it's going ok. I've accepted the fact that I'm not going to ever be able to sit in seiza without terrible consequences. I think I'll probably always have some tendonitis that makes kneeling down uncomfortable. I'm probably always going to mind long car rides when I go to stand back up again. I will forever be extremely cautious with both of my knees; but I am slowly but surely putting the ACL ordeal behind me and getting back to doing the thing I love.

It's about time.