February 18, 2009

Stockwater Tea, Julio Iglesias, and Downtown Drownings

Edited: New One Added Below

I watched American Idol with Mr. BBM last night. Either we're getting old, or the people are just really lousy. There were a few stand-outs, but most of the ones who stood out, were standing out for all the wrong reasons.

Did you know that spandex pants, worn with sneakers, a halter top and a cumberbund is the new thing? Think it was unique to just one audition? You would be wrong. I don't know where these girls got the idea that spandex and sneakers is hot, but it's really not.

"You know, it's a real shame I'm not younger and I don't have a good voice," I told Mr. BBM. "I have star quality. I can dance and perform better than most of these people." I have a video to prove it.

If you can't view this video, go here.

Mr. BBM almost blew his drink out of his nose, and not because I lack star quality either.

"Do you mean 'Stockwater Tea'?"

"What?"

"Don't you remember that?" he asked me.

"Oh," I said, recalling another one of my lyrical follies.

When we were in college, we went to see the Evita movie. The movie itself is for another post. It involves old ladies and wet popcorn and pure nastiness, but like I said, for another time.

I really enjoyed that movie, and Mr. BBM bought me the soundtrack. I know, shocking, considering my favorite song right now is "Blame it" by Jamie Foxx. Anyway, I used to sing along with the soundtrack regularly. There's a song called "Buenos Aires" but it should really be called "Stockwater Tea" since those are the words I sang along with that song.

Listen for it. . . "Just a little bit of stockwater tea. . . "

If you can't view the video, go here.

One day, Mr. BBM corrected me and I knew there was no point in arguing. "Stockwater tea" truly made no sense at all. It just sounded so right when the words came out of my mouth!

My other classic lyrical mishap is from the song "Take my Breath Away." There's a part of the song that says, "Through the looking glass I saw you," but to me it was always belted out to the tune of "Julio Iglesias saw you. . . " I don't know. It just made more sense. Looking glass vs. Julio. Julio clearly wins.

If you can't view this video, go here.

Listen for yourself. Doesn't it sound like she's singing about Julio? I swear I'm right about this one. I had a little singing duo when I was younger and I'm fairly certain I have audio proof of this lyrical mishap.

A more recent one? Kevyn Little's "Turn me On."

View the video here if you can't see it here.

"Let me hold you. . . "

What do you think it says after that?

I'll tell you what it says, "Downtown, that's my body." I totally thought they were dancing in a club downtown as in. . .

"Let me hold you downtown" and then "that's my body." You know, this doesn't really make sense now that I'm writing it out, but whenever I sing that song, it's not "girl caress my body," it's "downtown that's my body." Always has been, always will be. Also, the part that says, "let me charm you" that's right after that? For some reason, I ~~used to sing~~ still sing "let me drown you." I don't know why that would make sense. It certainly doesn't, but that's how I hear it people. Just is. Drown you in love maybe? I don't know.

These lyrical mishaps started quite young. My Dad was a big Tom Petty fan and we were often listening to his music. Remember "Refugee"?

Click here to view if you can't see it here.

My words when I was little: "It don't really matter to me baby. Everybody gotta fight to be free. Oh, yeah, a little appendectomy." I mean, yeah, totally fight for your right to a medical procedure. I think my Dad almost drove off the road laughing when he heard that one. This one makes total sense. It says right in the song, "someone must have kicked you around some." Can't being kicked around cause appendicitis? I'm just saying.

Finally (and I'm sure there are more that Mr. BBM will think of as soon as he reads this), is one I can't really take credit for but think it's fabulous anyway. My sister-in-law used to get frustrated trying to sing along with Rusted Root. Who wouldn't? Those lyrics are more confusing than the Doodlebops!

The song "Ecstasy" is especially troubling, and you look lame if you're at their concert or trying to dance to it and you don't sing along. So, she came up with this for the chorus. . .

"I want whole wheat, with a little bit of turkey meat and mayo."

Listen and sing along. Totally works and trust me, it makes more sense than whatever the heck they're saying. I can't embed this one, so you'll have to go here to listen.

So considering that most of those people on American Idol last night couldn't sing anyway, maybe they should just let me on. At least they'd get a few laughs from the lyrical mishaps.

What's one of your biggest lyrical mishaps? Feel free to share below so I don't feel so stupid and alone.