December 9, 2008

My Head is Not the Problem

I've watched as people who had ACL reconstruction surgery after me returned successfully to karate. I've read about how ACL reconstruction people are running three months after surgery. I've been told that my problem is mental and that I need to just get back out there, suck it up, work through the pain.

It's not in my head and today I got confirmation.

My surgeon took a couple x-rays of my knee this morning. The x-ray tech seemed baffled as to what these bumps are on my leg. The surgeon needed to only take a brief glance and a quick feel. The bumps on my leg are part of the screw sheath that is sticking out, rubbing against a vein and causing pain and bruising that is preventing me from doing the things I want to do. The screws look good in my knee. The tunnel angles are all perfect. It's just this stupid sheath from the screw that is causing me problems.

It's not normal at this point. Usually, by a year out, whatever may be sticking out of the sheath has worn down and away, but mine has not. My surgeon says my leg is so skinny that he can just see clear as day what needs to be done.

The fix is an easy one, but it involves surgery. It's one incision, outpatient, and takes less than an hour. My surgeon said he would go in at the same incision, and basically shave off the part that's causing me all the trouble. I have two options: I can wait and see if it gets any better (which it probably won't) or I can just schedule the surgery.

I teared up when he said it for two reasons. One, I'm glad I'm not crazy, and that there is something wrong and that it can be fixed. But the other reason is that I don't want to go to sleep again. I don't want any more surgery. I am terrified that I'm going to be in agony again.

He said it's no big deal and that I'll just have a cut on my leg. He's not touching my knee or doing any drilling or screwing. So my choice is to live with the pain and bruising or get it scheduled and fixed.

We also discussed me not being able to run. He felt all around my knee, determined that the location of my pain is not a true Jumper's Knee so to speak, but rather a more general and annoying case of patellar tendonitis. He told me to do ice massage with my knee bent three times a day and he said it will clear up and I will be running in no time.

We left the appointment with him telling me to give him a call to let him know if I want to do the surgery or not within the next couple of weeks. He said he'll fit me in whenever I want to have it done. I want to feel better and get back to doing the things I want to do, but it's going to be really hard for me to say "yes, cut me again." I know it has to be done. I just need a couple days to wrap my head around it.