November 27, 2008

The New Standard in Underwear?

I finally broke down and went to Victoria Secret yesterday. I had to drag the girls along, but my "girls" couldn't take it anymore. Here are some signs that you need a new bra or two:

When you lift your arms above your head, your bra begins to support your collar bone.
During the middle of teaching your class, you realize that one of your girls has been set free thanks to a strap that has come completely undone.
Your current bra begins to impale you with sharp nasty wire every time you cross your arms.

Yes, it was definitely time for a new bra or three, which has now set us back enough that Christmas gifts will take a hit. I've tried the cheap bra thing and it just doesn't work. I'd rather spend $40+ for something I know won't wear out for a while. Actually that would be $45, because the inflation on bras has hit a new high.

I figured I should also look at some underwear, and it was then that I discovered that dental floss has become the new standard in womens underwear. I must have searched for a good 15 minutes, but unless I wanted the standard cotton, there was nothing that I felt I could or wanted to try to pull off. There was see-through business that would just end up in the crack. There was fluffy, ruffly nonsense that wouldn't even fit under a pair of jeans (No thank you. I'm not really the type to walk around in fluffy underwear and a hoodie). And there was heiney floss. Really there's no other term that appropriately describes it.

I know there are plenty of women out there who wear this stuff, and who pretend like it's actually comfortable, but there is no way I'm paying $15 for something that I could easily make for a few cents from something in my medicine cabinet. I'm just not that girl.

VS used to carry low rise seamless underwear that was silky without being see-through and sexy without being slutty. It appears those days are over. Either that or they were sold out of it because the only other option is butt floss.

I truly think women need to stand up and demand better for our butts. Just say no to the floss ladies, and join me in an effort to restore cheeks as part of the standard coverage. I'm too young for Grandma pants and I can't be the only one bothered by this strange phenomenon.