October 1, 2008

A Soccer Mom?

Since we’ve moved in with my parents, Lil C has been enjoying her outdoor time. She has become a huge fan of kicking a soccer ball around the yard and she’s really quite amazing, considering that she’s only going to turn three on Saturday (Yes, this Saturday. Let’s not talk about it too much or I will cry. My BABY is turning THREE!).

I did some digging and found a soccer program for 3-6 year olds at a local fitness center and took her for a test drive class week. In preparation for her first big night of soccer, we bought her the tiniest little shin guards ever and a size 3 soccer ball. Being a field hockey girl myself, I had no clue that there even were different sizes.

We arrived at the fitness center and Lil C, dressed in her adorable soccer gear, went out onto the turf field. There were parents milling around with their kids and I was uncertain who the coach was since no one approached us at all. After a few minutes, the coach blew the whistle and called the kids into a huddle. Lil C wasn’t really interested in hanging out with the other kids and instead stood leaning all of her bodyweight into my legs.

Soon the coach started working on "skills." I should mention here that when I inquired about the program, I was told that they divide kids up into smaller age groups once there and that they play "fun little games" to get them to learn the game. The coach began by telling them to work on toe touches. As he demonstrated, I looked at my Mom, who had come along to watch, absolutely dumbstruck. There was no way I could even do toe touches the way he was doing them. Little kids were falling all over the place. The coach seemed to levitate above the ball rotating one foot to the next and Lil C just looked at me like "not gonna happen."

After that he told them to put the ball on the inside of their feet and kick the ball from the inside of one foot to the other. I felt like asking him if he realized that small children don’t have much extra room between their feet and legs once you put a soccer ball in between them. I tried to help Lil C but it was hopeless. She’s just not big enough to even begin to learn that skill. It would be like teaching a 1-year old how to play the piano or the guitar. Your hands need to be a certain size to do that, and for soccer, your legs need to be longer than 16 inches.

Soon the kids were able to kick the ball down the field, but Lil C kicked the ball in the opposite direction. She was running around like a little star but wasn’t following the coach’s directions and honestly, I couldn’t blame her.

The coach then set up passing drills. No, I’m not kidding. He placed two cones half way up the field and created two lines of kids. He would toss the ball down the field and he expected the kids to pass down the field and score. Lil C decided to go to the other end of the field and kick the ball around with daddy. The coach did not once speak to her or even notice that she was there.

Then he announced that they were going to play a "game." He haphazardly divided kids into groups and told half to head one direction and the other half to score at the other end. What happened next was nothing short of complete and total mayhem.

The big kids were trampling the little kids. There were at least four children crying. One had been knocked down by the bigger kids and subsequently stepped on by other kids. He was miserable but his parents kept sending him out for more. The coach never even looked at him, let alone ask him if he was o.k.

Several parents were grabbing their kids and leaving. The coach still didn’t notice that there was a problem. As the ball approached the side where we were standing, Lil C acted as if she wanted to kick the ball, but we quickly realized this was a bad idea as a swarm of bigger boys came running at her. I have no doubt they would have trampled her too. She was easily the tiniest one there.

So, we picked her up and left, but not before demanding our money back. I told the owner that I was completely misled as to what would happen in the class, and that he better watch because he’s going to have multiple injuries from the way that the "game" was being conducted. He tried to weasel his way out of giving our money back, but ended up giving it back because we wouldn’t back down.

He said he would talk to the "coach" and give me a call Monday morning to let me know what happened and if maybe he was without an assistant or something, which would explain why it was complete and total chaos. It’s Wednesday, and I have yet to receive a call.

Yesterday, I signed Lil C up with a different soccer program. The director of the program teachers it herself and says that she teaches the kids to pretend the soccer balls are puppies. Then, they take their "puppies" down the soccer field to "Grandma’s house" (aka the goal). I think this sounds much more three-year old friendly and we’re excited to see how she does in an environment where she doesn’t have to "bend it like Beckham" instantly.

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