July 23, 2008

I Should Probably Warn You

Dear Friend (coming from hours away to help me pack today):

I should probably warn you that I went on a cleaning strike about two weeks ago. I have kept true to my word. I’ve found that when the strike hits the crucial point of 14 days, Mr. BBM will indeed, pick up a toilet wand and go to work. Remember this number, because it may come in handy for you too one day. Regardless, I’m staying firm in my anti-cleaning stance and hope you’ll understand.

I should probably warn you that there’s not a single room in my house that one can walk through without tripping over boxes, random packing peanuts, and miscellaneous items that are just waiting to be put in the dreaded "misc" box.

I should probably warn you that the only things we have to eat in this house are: one can of beans, one can of Sloppy Joe sauce, and some crackers. It should make for an interesting couple of lunches.

I should probably warn you that the radon guy will be here bright and early at 7:30 a.m. so you’ll have to leave your perch on the sofa unless you don’t care about Stan seeing you in your jammies.

I should probably warn you that Mr. BBM and I study our house floor plan every 15 minutes or so and also randomly say things like "I wonder how many pendant lights we’ll need," sometimes while someone else is in the middle of telling us something important. We’re kind of house-obsessed these days.

I should probably warn you that each and every night, we drive over to our lot and analyze the size of our backyard, the angle of our driveway, and discuss various other ridiculous things like how we’ll arrange our furniture. You should know that we fully realize they have only just poured the basement walls, but these things are of crucial importance to analyze for the next three months.

I just wanted to give you fair warning before you make the trip.

Oh wait, you’re already on the road. Oh well.

Sincerely,

A VERY grateful BBM