May 1, 2008
Back on the Floor
I drove Big I to karate tonight and I couldn’t help but think that in just a few weeks, I could be training again. I was daydreaming about what it will feel like to tell everyone "I’m back!" I have not set foot on the training floor since my injury in October. It’s been a really long time.
As I entered the dojo tonight, my teacher commented about how well I was walking around. I told him that I’m getting there and hoping to return (slowly) in June. Somehow the conversation turned to Sanchin. I said I didn’t know it and he said he would teach me. I thought it would be from the sidelines.
I was having a conversation with another Mom in the dojo when Hanshi summoned me from the upstairs training floor. He told me take my shoes off and come out on the floor. I took my shoes off, threw my jacket and purse on the bench and walked out. It felt really strange being back on the floor, but even more so in jeans.
Hanshi explained Sanchin and talked about the meaning of the number "three" within our system and how it relates to pretty much everything in our style. And then we started. In a casual stance, I stood there and worked on Sanchin breathing. Then we added hand motions. When it was time to get into the Sanchin stance, I just kept my feet facing forward and didn’t worry about my stance. I spent about 40 minutes out on the floor walking through Sanchin with the rest of the class, careful not to pivot on my knee or do anything that would cause a problem.
I wanted to be completely immersed in learning Sanchin but I couldn’t help but think about my knee almost constantly. I tried to get into a good nai hanchi stance but it was really difficult to do. Like squats, I continue to put more weight on my right leg, not yet trusting my left knee to keep up with the right. I knew I was going to need some work on basics again but I had no idea how much.
I also tried to stand in cat stance with my weight on my left leg and that was nearly impossible and painful. My knee cap area just started to ache and I backed off. At one point while standing there, I started to think about how good it felt to be back out there again; but then I almost welled up with tears thinking about how difficult a journey it’s going to be to get back to where I used to be.
The reality that it is going to take me months just to get my body to do the basic things that it used to do without thinking is hitting me hard tonight. After knocking out all the things I couldn’t do at home, like carrying Lil C up and down the stairs and even something so simple as alternating steps when going up and down, I mistakenly believed I was almost there.
Going back to karate is going to pose an entirely different set of challenges. Tomorrow, when I go to PT, I’m going to talk to my physical therapist about the stances I’ll need to use and ask him to help me get there. I realized tonight that the mental aspect of coming back is going to be the hardest part, but the physical part isn’t going to be a cake walk either.
Comments
Copyright
© Copyright 2006-2019 blackbeltmama dot com ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Follow Me
Blog Designed By
My Creations
Things You Could Care Less About
In the middle of your blog I had a Danielson flashback. I was hoping to read that Hanshi rubbed his hands together and in a Mr. Miagi fashion touched your knee and you were completely healed! Then you proceeded to crane kick the Kobra Kai opponent in the head winning the city championship and the entire class picked you up on their shoulders and cried “Hail to Black Belt Mama”
When it is time you’ll know it and be ready to rock! Baby steps
Chris: That would have been really cool. I think he might have expected me to paint his house or something though in exchange. 😉 So weird because we were talking about that movie tonight in class.
“The reality that it is going to take me months just to get my body to do the basic things that it used to do without thinking is hitting me hard tonight.”
Don’t forget the important part here – your body already knows how to do them. It’s all in your muscle memory, in your brain and ingrained in what you do. The only part left for you to do is build the muscle up to cope with them again, which will happen sooner than you think.
I know I’ve missed sparring practice for the past 3 weeks due to either illness or meetings and I sparred last night and was so slow and sluggish – I can’t even imagine what you’re going through being away since October. But I do agree with Adam – it is all in your muscle memory and you just need to build those muscles back up. I also agree with you – the overcoming your fear of reinjury is probably going to be the toughest part of all. But you can do it!
I have never had such a severe injury but have definitely had various set backs in life.
Like all things it seems like we will never get to our destination, then one day it just pops up.
You seem like a positive person and very persistant! Just like you made it to your black belt, getting back to your old self will be like going for the next grade up!
I too am pondering my imminent return to the dojo.
Whatever your condition when you return, remember that you TOTALLY earned your current rank, even if you’re a bit behind for a while. It’s about your experience, not your current ability at this point!
Where we both are as ACL tear recoverees is more about busting butt to continue the journey than how fast that journey will be.
As for me, if the ride’s a bit slower and more scenic, I’m all for it!!!
Be bold and beautiful in what you do. That matters more than power or speed, which will come in due time.
Bet it felt good to be back on the deck again.
You’ll be fine when you return to training. And good luck with Sanchin kata, that’s a good one.
“The reality that it is going to take me months just to get my body to do the basic things that it used to do without thinking is hitting me hard tonight.”
hang in there. a year and a half later(no surgery) I still feel scared sometimes. Especially when doing movements that took me down. Jumping one-legged is still scary and even if I can do it, I find I’m still compensating with my good leg. Even if I don’t need to.
Hey, people in wheelchair do karate. Before you know it, you’ll be doing your stuff like you were before (or almost).
I’m rooting!
Congrats on going back to Karate! I’m sorry that it started playing “head games” with you though. Good things come to those who wait though.
Keep up the good work. It won’t be easy but we know you can do it. You are well aware of the challenges ahead and prepared to meet them.
Try not to be discouraged. You have sustained a difficult physical injury that you are needing to recover from, and it will take some time to do so.
Everybody in the dojo understands these things (at least in ours, and I’m sure in yours, too) – and I’ve found in my own experiences that we, ourselves, are our own worst critics when it comes to excelling in martial arts – we, ourselves, are our own worst critics as women – always expecting so much out of ourselves in our daily lives and routines; to be the absolute BEST and MOST we can be to our husbands, children, activities…to be… “Wonder Women” per se.
There is no pressure on you, except that which you place there, alone. Please try to remember that. Give yourself the freedom that you need (and deserve) to heal physically, mentally, emotionally. I wish you well during that process.
Peace. =)
Smiles.
It was awesome meeting you and your husband last night! Hopefully we’ll see you at TC09!
I’d lost a month of training and over the last few weeks, I’ve been working my way back. My verdict: Coming back from an injury was harder for me than getting my black belt… it’s long, it’s slow, it’s painful…..it’s worth it.
i really enjoyed meeting and hanging out with you at tequilacon. even though out meeting was brief, i have NO doubt that you will bounce back from your injury. stay strong!
Yes, it’s been ages since you have had the chance to step on the dojo floor, I’m glad that you were able to get into some training. I know that you will be careful, and work towards your goals with dedication, and diligence. I’m sure that you will succeed. I don’t blame you for being extra careful about your knee. If I were in your place, I’d be gentle, extra careful and patient with putting demands on my legs/knees also.