January 8, 2008

High Five Inducing PROGRESS

Today was the most painful day yet at physical therapy. It was also the best day so far. I’m not afraid of a little pain. I just need a healthy dose of "gain" to go along with it. Today I got it all.

Before we get to the details, here is my knee, three weeks and one day post-op:

We started with ice and stims. My PT was much happier with the appearance of my knee today as compared to Friday. He contemplated using heat, but played it safe. My PT told me I can start using cocoa butter on three of the four incisions. He showed me how to rub the scar tissue away and it hurt. I told him I’m going to need to have a drink before I do that to myself each day. It was all I could do not to physically make him remove his fingers from my incisions as he showed me how to torture myself.

After that bit of "fun," I completed my quad sets and leg lifts with weights. I also used a strap to stretch out my very tight leg muscles. Because my PT was busy with a new patient, I got busy working on my flexion by myself. While getting my stim and ice treatment, I was reading "My Journey with the Grandmaster" by Kyoshi William Hayes. I was reading this chapter about the hidden techniques in Okinawan karate. Much of the chapter talked about individuals and how to each person the martial arts, even within the same style, is a little different. He compared serious students to those who just walk through kata, never seeing the true meaning or hidden techniques inside.

I don’t know if it was my "Karate: it comes from within" t-shirt I had on, the reading, or a combination of both; but for some reason, I began to think about the mental aspects of martial arts training. During my flexion exercises, I stopped thinking of it as a physical hurdle and started thinking of it as a mental one instead. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and seisan style, breathed the air out as I forced my knee to bend further and further. I took my time, willed my twitching muscles to relax, and continued to work at it for 20 minutes.

At one point, my PT walked by me and smiled. "We’re going to have a good day," he said, referring to my flexion. After several more minutes, he came back to take the measurement. He told me I needed 110 degrees to try the bike. Doing it entirely by myself, I was able to push it further than I ever have before.

115 degrees.

My PT was so elated that he got the biggest grin on his face and shouted out "HIGH FIVE" as he reached his hand up to meet mine. It was such a good moment.

He had me strap my brace back on and them adjusted the brace so that I can bend my knee however much I want when I’m not walking around on it. I locked it back into place and walked to the bike.

My PT warned me not to expect much. My first attempt at a complete rotation didn’t work. It hurt so badly it made me draw a quick breath. He told me that it was o.k. if I didn’t make it around at all, to just go back and forth, making sure I stayed comfortable.

Backwards went much easier and after a few tries, I was able to go completely around. He told me to continue going backwards and then if things loosened up, I could try going forward again. He left me alone for 3.5 minutes. I gradually worked through the pain going backwards, and built up the nerve to try going forward again. I had to point my foot to make it, but I did it. I continued to go around forward and picked up the pace just a bit. By the time the last minute rolled around, I was able to go completely around without having to point my foot to make it more comfortable.

After doing so well on the bike, my PT helped me get down and had me do some exercises with the tension bands. I was able to complete three sets of 10 and felt my quads got a decent work out. When all the hard work was done, he told me that people rarely make a complete rotation on their first try on the bike, let alone many like I did. I was beaming, and the best news was yet to come.

My PT told me I can unlock my brace to sleep from now on, and next week he’ll probably unlock my brace permanently so that I can start walking less like a peg-leg pirate and more like a normal person. He congratulated me on a good day filled with progress and I left.

When I got in the car, my new Feist CD was playing and "I Feel It All" came blaring out of the speakers. It’s an awesome song and the reason why I now own three of her CD’s. (If you can’t see the embedded video, click here for the song.)

Although I like her music very much, I have no clue what she’s talking about in most of her songs. It didn’t matter. "I Feel It All" was the most appropriate song for today, because that’s exactly what I did.

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside. . .

I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn’t rest, I didn’t stop. . .

I don’t know what I knew before
Now I know I wanna win the war. . .

No one likes to take a test. . .
Fly away. . .
Fly away to what you want to make. . .

I felt the pain today and over the last couple weeks. I feel the disappointment of having to stop training and delay my Shodan (Black Belt) test indefinitely. I worked through all of it today, and I felt the satisfaction. The progress that I’ve been trying to wait for so patiently finally made an appearance. It’s not a Shodan test. It’s rotation on a bike, something that would have been easy to do a month ago; but I can honestly say that the accomplishment I felt today feels as monumental as I’m sure passing my Shodan test will feel someday.

I couldn’t stop the onslaught of tears that started pouring down my face. I feel every jolt of the pain that sometimes takes my breath away, but it makes the resulting accomplishment taste that much sweeter.

I do indeed "feel it all" and today, in spite of the pain, it all felt good.