November 7, 2006

Advice for Politicians

I don’t outwardly discuss politics here, mostly because I’d rather spare myself the hate mail and seedy comments that the political talk would surely draw. But on this election night, I have something to say that I’m sure everyone can agree upon, whether you bleed blue, red, or something in between.

While watching the coverage tonight, the news reported that Hilary Clinton spent over $29 million on her campaign. I’m not in NY, but if NY is anything like my state, I’m sure a lot of that money went towards stupid political ads that go something like this:

Joe Schmo doesn’t deserve your vote. Joe Schmo eats babies for breakfast and the elderly for dinner. No seriously, with a side of ketchup, he devours them. He also hates kittens and tries to run over puppies whenever he takes to the road.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if all that money went towards something useful? Maybe something like compensating our troops the way they should be, maybe using it towards medical research that could lead to cures for horrible diseases, etc. etc. etc. Let’s be honest here. How many people are actually swayed by the ridiculous ads on TV? One ad that I saw frequently said that X candidate "would vote to eliminate birth control in all 50 states, even for married couples." I mean, COME ON already. That’s not true; it’s just stupid.

So, here’s some advice for getting elected next time around:

Instead of telling us all the crappy things your opponent has done, tell us something YOU have done or will do.
Don’t let Bill Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Hilary Clinton, Tom Ridge, Muhammad Ali, Osama Bin Laden, whoever, record messages and call my phone number with them daily, hourly sometimes. The minute I hear them, I hang up as I’m sure everyone else does. Well, except for maybe a few elderly people who actually think Bill Clinton is calling them and get all excited about it until they realize that, Gee, he’s being awfully rude to me, what with his not letting me have a turn to talk and all.
If you must call, then at least look at the clock. Calls after the polls have closed are a waste of time, and are infuriating. Calls when my baby is sleeping are also very bothersome.
When the newspaper asks you questions for the voter’s guide, answer them. If you don’t respond, it looks like you don’t care, and then why should anyone care to vote for you?
Don’t send me glossy junk mail telling me all the crappy things your opponent has done. If you really feel the need to send mail, send out one simple letter listing all the things you have done or will do. How about a resume? You are trying to get a job right? If I walked into an interview with glossy handouts telling you what’s wrong with all the other people you’re thinking about hiring, you’d walk me out the door, right? Don’t make the same mistake.
Be above it all. Sure, it’s tempting to lash out when someone speaks untruths about you. But show that you’re the better person. Take the high road. If your opponent comes out and says things that aren’t true, correct them in a productive matter. See #5.
Instead of sending out pathetic looking college kids that go around door-to-door handing out materials, get off your bum and get out there yourself. Voters want to hear from you. They want to ask you questions when they’re sure there’s not an iron clad script in the vicinity. Visit restaurants, malls, anywhere where you can get out there and show that you’re a normal person, not just some awkward troll with bad hair.
If you get elected to office and want to be elected again, do something. Don’t just sit there and twiddle your thumbs or pick your nose. If you’re going to talk the talk, then walk the walk.
What happens in our state and even in our country is not the fault of the President of the United States. There are many elected officials who make decisions, and voters who put them there. We do not live in a dictatorship. So, when your entire campaign to be elected has to do with the fact that you hate the President, it’s desperate and pathetic. Stand on what YOU have done or vow to do, not what someone else has or hasn’t done.
When you get in office, remember that you will only continue to remain there if you hold up your end of the bargain.