August 22, 2006

A Mom who SHOULD feel guilty and more. . .

I am not the best parent in the world. I don’t always keep my cool. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who says they are always a picture perfect parent who never starts to lose it, is a big fat liar. However, there are some people who never should have had children.

I play tennis during the summer with a group of women. We play doubles for a couple hours every week and have a lot of fun. Tonight we were playing and while I was about to receive a serve, I heard crying. Loud crying. Hysterical crying. I glanced in the direction it was coming from and saw a little boy who was definitely no more than two years of age (and that’s being generous). He was a really little guy and was toddling along with the uncertainty of a newish walker, and was screaming hysterically with his little arms in the air. I finished playing the point thinking that I must be wrong; a parent must be nearby. The point ended and I instinctively starting walking towards the little boy. He was three tennis courts away from me, just outside of the fence standing in a grassy area right by the parking lot. . . Right beside the parking lot where teenagers regularly go driving about 50 mph, radio blaring as they pass by the courts. I yelled to the other women I was playing with, "Have any of you seen a parent with that little boy?" They all shook their heads, "No."

I started running. I crossed behind the men who were playing beside us and ran behind the men who were playing beside them. I was about at the gate. The little toddler was still screaming hysterically. He was still a baby. As I got closer I realized he couldn’t yet be two. Just as I was about to reach the gate and make the final run to the distressed child, a woman in a mini-van, at LEAST six cars away from where the little boy was standing BY HIMSELF, just TWO FEET from the crowded parking lot, emerges from the van and screams at this child, "I TOLD YOU TO COME HERE!"

She had apparently seen me running to the child’s aid and sprinted her fat ass out of the van quickly enough to beat me to him. All of the tennis had stopped on the courts. Everyone was watching. She quickly put him in the van and drove away. I highly doubt he was properly restrained in a car seat.

When I wrote a while back about having an urge to use my karate to teach some teenage boys a lesson after almost killing me and Lil C by driving too fast around a dangerous curve, I received warnings and words of caution. I may get them now, but I seriously wanted to POUND this woman. If she hadn’t driven away as fast as she did in her dark minivan, I would have definitely had some strong words for her. She better seriously hope she does not see me again.

The thing is this: every mother (and father) has a day like that. Every mother has one of those days where you just feel ready to crack. Every mother has been in a situation where "it’s time to go" and your little one has a completely different idea. Every mother is going to have a day when their child is having an absolute tantrum and you just can’t deal anymore.

The difference between a good mother and a bad one is that good ones know how to deal with this situation. If your child is still in a crib, you place the child calmly in the crib with a few of his/her favorite toys and walk away and collect yourself. If your child is older, you send them to their room, where they are safe and you will have a moment or two to yourself. Who among mothers hasn’t been there? We all have and if you say that you haven’t, I’ll say it again: you are a big far liar, or your child isn’t old enough to really test you yet, or you don’t spend enough time with your kids. It happens to the best of us.

Bad mothers, like the one tonight, have days like this and deal with them in a ridiculous way that could potentially cause harm to their child. I get it that the child did not want to leave the park; but when your child is this small, you pick him/her up and put them in their car seat, kicking and screaming, whatever. If you have to carry them on your side, head out the front, feet out the back, you do so. You DO NOT leave your child unattended near a busy, crowded PARKING LOT of all places. I get the whole, "I’m leaving. . . " thing. I would be lying if I said I never did this. Would I EVER do this in a parking lot? NO WAY! It works in the Disney Store; it works at amusement parks, but I would NEVER do this in a parking lot and I would NEVER let myself be as far away as that woman was from her son. I would NEVER try this technique with a child as young as that little boy.

He was not even old enough to understand what she was doing. There is no way he could have possibly comprehended that he was supposed to follow. He probably didn’t even see her, because she was THAT. FAR. AWAY.

The worst part of this whole night is knowing that little boy went home with THAT woman. I can only hope that she got herself together by the time they arrived home.

I often feel like I could be a better Mom. I think that I should take my kids to the park more, or to the pool more, or come up with new things to do more frequently. Every Mom has "Mom Guilt" and it’s usually there unnecessarily.

If that mother has "Mom Guilt" she deserves it 100%. She should be ashamed of herself.

I just had to get that off my chest.

(Deep exhale)

And on to happier things. . .

Yep, you saw it here. I’m just getting all famous and stuff. Now I’m being "interviewed". I’m special, what can I say. I wish that button said, "Hey Girls and Guys" because I know I have a LOT of male readers; and I love all my readers dearly regardless of what type of equipment you have. But, if you just can’t get enough of me today, you can click on that happy looking chick and check out my interview. After you check out the interview for Black Belt Mama, you can also read the interview from Birth Stories, which has also been listed on the site. That interview can be found here.

And speaking of not being able to get enough of me. . . my black octagonal sai are IN! They have finally arrived, which means a video of yours truly trying to do justice to Kyan No Sai may be just around the corner. I said "MAY BE." I feel like I should let all my fellow karate-ka’s know I’m legit; but at the same time, I would much rather make you laugh and get enjoyment from my words, my writing. Posting a video that can be picked apart by all (and potentially laughed at), especially since I’ve been "found out" is a little intimidating. So, I will post a video of Kyan No Sai under these conditions:

After video is shot, if wrinkles are highly visible-the video is getting tossed.
If I’m having a bad hair day-the video is getting tossed.
If I start talking to myself during the kata-the video is getting tossed.
If my husband starts laughing while filming the kata-the video is getting tossed.

Can you deal with these conditions? Can you follow your mother’s advice if I post a video and "If you don’t have something nice to say, keep it to yourself"? You think about it, and I will too. . . maybe. . .

You know what else has arrived? Yep, that’s right. . .

Gi_1

Lil C’s baby gi is here, which means that a new picture is forth-coming. I think I might wait until after testing though, in September. Maybe Big I will have another green stripe, and I just might be flaunting the fall’s must have color and accessory for any karate-ka. . . brown belt.