August 20, 2006

Etiquette Lesson 1

Scene: Parking lot at crowded shopping center. You are about to pull in a space when the SUV driver waiting to pull in the other side pulls in and pulls right through into your space! The nerve! You throw your arms up in disgust and realize that one of your children is too young to understand profanity; the other thankfully has headphones on. It’s not just you making a big deal either, because another person walking through the parking lot watches the whole thing go down and gives you a knowing look, nod and a glare of solidarity at the SUV lady who just took your space.

So, you do the only thing a rational person with parking lot road rage would do in this instance. With what feels like a fire lit under your butt, you speed around the lane to the space the rude SUV lady should have taken, so your car is directly behind hers. She gets out of the car and you start to roll down your window to let her know what a complete and total jerk she is. . . and then you notice the car seat. You see her open the back door and pull from the backseat a child of no more than two years of age.

What to do? What to do?

Etiquette Rule #1: When the object of your parking lot road rage has a young child present, the operation is dead. Abort tirade. Bite your tongue and save it for the heavy bag later. Damn.

Exception to rule: If driver lady is alone, or if driver lady has a teenager or two as rude as she is, operation parking lot tirade is a GO.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against women (or men for that matter) who drive SUV’s. My only hostility towards a certain type of car driver is towards those who drive Jetta’s. Where I live, every Jetta owner is apparently auditioning for the Indy 500, complete with passes on the right that cut you off and speeds that approach the speed of light.

Stay tuned for more of BBM’s Etiquette Lessons. There is no shortage of things that tick me off these days.