June 21, 2006

This post brought to you by BBB

The gauntlet has been thrown down by Mrs. Misfortune. My alter ego has been tagged/summoned to inform you nice people who were probably expecting a nice post, 20 things that I don’t like. Even though BBM is quite the spit-fire, BBB (last part rhymes with witch. . . I won’t say it because my Mom reads this blog and alter-ego or not, she doesn’t appreciate swearing from either of us. In fact she doesn’t even like the word "suck", but enough of that.) So, since BBM had her 4th kyu test tonight and also had to spar with two brown belts who are testing for black in two weeks who had something to prove, she’s going to go rest (sissy) and I’m going to rant. . .

Twenty (that’s it???) Things I DON’T LIKE

1. Sparring with a 10-year old who is testing for black belt in two weeks, who decides that since you are an adult, to hell with control. Who needs control? Oh, and since when are the mammaries the new solar plexus. When people? I didn’t get the memo. Neither did my girls.

2. The fact that when sparring with said 10-year old, BBM decides to back off, because he is 10 after all, and is about 4 feet tall, and oh, his mother is in the dojo. When I say back off, I mean complete with smiling while sparring and being all "I’m sorry" even when she got a good shot off. I, for one, am not sorry. Stuff it BBM.

3. People who think that being a Stay-at-Home Mom deprives my child of social interaction since I didn’t put her in pre-pre-pre school at age 5 weeks of age. Guess what people? 15-20 years ago, day care was not the norm. SAHM’s were much more common. Their children all turned out perfectly fine. I happen to be one of them. If you’ve got guilt for going to work, deal with it on your own time. Don’t put me down to make yourself feel better. I don’t do it to you.

4. People who have boundary issues, as in "Don’t water my freaking flowers unless I ask you to. I know you’re trying to be nice and all; but you’re going to kill them because I just freaking watered them." (Deep breath, deep breath.)

5. The show ER. (I’m kind of stealing this one from Mrs. MisFortune but for different reasons.) I used to love it. Now, it’s so political, and not done in a smart way at all.

Scene: 6 year old comes in with a broken finger. Dr. Pratt treats his broken finger, and then goes into the meds room and pounds his fist on the wall while saying, "Damn you George Bush. We should be worried about kids with broken fingers, not Iraq." It’s so transparent and so annoying. I used to watch the show to be entertained; I don’t watch it for unintelligent political banter. I don’t really give a crap what your producers think about politics. AND, if you’re going to make a political connection, try to make it at least a little bit realistic. A soldier dying. . . o.k. I see your point. Kid in ER with no connection to war. . . you lost me. Seriously, it got so ridiculous during one of the last episodes that we watched that my husband and I started blaming everything on George Bush, ER- style, to make fun of the show. BBM stubs toe and says, "Damn you George Bush." Mr. BBM bites his tongue while eating, (shakes fist to the sky) "Damn you George Bush; This is ALL YOUR FAULT."

6. When good people die young. BBM is upset about this; I am just plain pissed about it. More on this in a later post from BBM.

7. The fact that it takes a grown man a good 20 minutes minimum to empty their bowels. Dude, if I have 20 seconds and a smidgen of privacy I feel lucky. Push guys, freaking PUSH!

8. I don’t like when people litter and treat the world as a personal ash tray. BBM gets her gi all in a bunch about that too.

9. I don’t like when people don’t use the "to be" verb. Example: The car needs washed. The car most certainly does not "need washed." It needs TO BE washed, damn it. Man, that’s annoying.

10. I don’t like when people slurp soup or cereal. CAN. NOT. STAND. Got that husband?

11. While on the topic of food. . . I don’t like bad dip manners as in: super scooping, finger dipping/licking, and double dipping. It’s so GROSS!

12. I don’t like it when people don’t keep their dogs on leashes. These are the people who seem to think that the world is their dog’s personal playground. Guess what? It’s not. Not now, not ever. These are the people who let their dog pee or poop wherever they deem appropriate which is inevitably nowhere near an appropriate place. These are the same people who leave the poop where it lands and think nothing of the fact that someone else will be inconvenienced by it. These are the people who let their dogs run through your freshly grass-seeded yard and then casually collect their dog, WITHOUT AN APOLOGY, after the dog has jumped all over your white gi pants when you’re on your way to karate testing. Bitter much? No, not me.

13. While on the topic of dogs, I don’t like it when people ask you about your kids, and then compare your kids to their dog. My kids. . . your dog. . . not on the same level here.

14. I don’t like it when T.O. and other athletes complain about multi-million dollar salaries, especially those who appear on TV interviews whining about how they need to support their family, and on and on and on. I have some advice for you: Take out the 10 carat earrings from each ear. Buy a freaking normal watch like the rest of us. Live in a home that doesn’t have 20 bedrooms. Drive a car that you didn’t have to special order from Italy, and be smart about your millions. Then I wouldn’t have to watch your interview and laugh at how pathetically stupid you are.

15. I don’t like anonymous mean, rude commenters, especially ones who then email me to complain about me not posting their comments and calling my blog "censored," etc. See my about page. Too lazy to go? I’ll sum it up for you: If you don’t like what you’re reading, get lost. No one is making you read this. This is a blog, not a newspaper, and BBM (and her alter ego) serve as the judge, jury and executioner. We will axe your comments without a second thought, and possibly write a post about how stupid you are too.

16. I don’t like it when people think that because I take karate, then logically I must be some kind of person who goes out and tries to start fights. If you think that, I encourage you to read up on the martial arts. Any good martial artist only uses their skills when absolutely necessary, and most certainly not to show off.

17. I don’t like that BBM can’t say NO when it comes to home parties.

18. I don’t like when people get all bleeding heart about sexual predators/child molesters and act like they can be rehabilitated. They can’t.

19. I don’t like whatever made that scallop decide it was going to declare war on my digestive system.

20. I don’t like that BBM is totally bugging me to finish this up so she can write her post about kyu testing and sparring because I’ve already told you pretty much all there is to know with #1 of this list.

Now, who to ~~possess~~ tag. . . Izzy, Wayward Goddess, Mat, Sesame, Amateur Shutterbug, and Maniacal. I’m also going to tag Amalah because BBM did it before and it was fun. I’m not even doing it for a jump in visitor stats like what happened last time because I removed Blog Top Sites from my site because it was just too depressing, addicting, and annoying AND it never worked. But this time, I’m not going to tell her I tagged her because I’m all alter-ego mean like that. We’ll find out if she ever stops by (not), and then BBM will get all sad, and I’ll be all like "suck it up girlfriend," etc. etc. I figure with all her freelance writing lately, maybe she’s hurting for some topics and I can probably guess that one of the things she hates is deadlines.

If anyone is feeling sorry because BBB didn’t tag you. . . deal with it. I picked those who I know have to have an evil side, just lurking below the surface. Anyone else who wants to give it a go? Be my guest. Just be sure to come back here and let BBM know; she likes to be thorough like that. And if you don’t do it. . . you’ll have to deal with me.

Black Belt Bizitch Out.