April 21, 2006

Duke rape case hits raw nerve

I graduated from the University of Pittsburgh. During my sophomore year, I became a P.E.E.R. Educator (Peer Educators for an Environment free of Rape and Sexual Exploitation) through Sexual Assault Services which is housed in the counseling center. I also worked in the Sexual Assault Services office as a coordinator of the P.E.E.R. educators in my junior and senior years. P.E.E.R.’s presented materials designed at educating students about sexual assault. We did our presentations for the football team (nightmare), fraternities, sororities, freshman classes, etc. Once, I even taught a month long "seminar" on sexual harassment for three badly behaved boys who went around freshman dorms ripping open shower curtains of unsuspecting female students and snapping pictures. Nice. I loved what I did there and felt like I was really helping students. What I could never understand though, was why our counseling offices were full of appointments with former rape victims, yet our campus security stats were always wonderful. It didn’t jive and I imagine that many universities have such a dirty little secret.

While I was a student at Pitt, there was a gang rape at a fraternity party. The girl was a freshman and it was early in the first semester. The rape happened in a bathroom and the girl was devastated. She had had too much to drink, no friends who watched out for her, and one thing led to another. The case rocked the university paper and that’s all anyone really talked about. The fraternity was a large one and had at least 60 members at the time. Every single one of those guys knew who did what, yet each one of them kept their solemn brotherly vow and not a one would speak up and make right what a handful of them had done. The university did nothing. They didn’t revoke their charter or suspend them from school. They only disallowed them from accepting pledges during the spring semester. Big freaking deal. The freshman student tried to stick it out at the school, but she was too much of a wreck and eventually quit college altogether. The counselor I worked for at Sexual Assault Services had tried to counsel and help her, but she was a broken woman. She had the guts to come forward, a freshman against an entire well known fraternity, and she was rewarded with nothing but harassment and disbelief. I often wonder about those boys and whether or not they can sleep at night. I wonder about whether or not they are now married with children, daughters perhaps. I wonder about how they must feel about what they did to that poor woman, whether they were part of the rape or part of the zipped lips.

Because of this, the Duke rape case is driving me absolutely insane. You have a well known school, a sports team mentality, and a stripper’s word against a band of "brothers." These are the things that are annoying me:

Just because she was intoxicated doesn’t mean a rape did not occur. Most sexual assaults occur when the victim, the assailant(s) or both are intoxicated. This does not make her any less credible.
DNA evidence is not required to show that a rape occurred. (Please don’t even make me explain the "anatomy" of this one.)
The fact that the second stripper says it happened or that it didn’t happen, or that she believes it could have or could not have happened MEANS NOTHING. She was not in the bathroom. She does not know. The fact that she thinks it may or may not have happened is NOT evidence.
Why would the alleged victim make this up? What does she have to gain? The Duke lacrosse team and/or it’s members are not celebrities. There is absolutely NO upside to reporting a rape. Rape shield laws are complete crap these days. No one adheres to them in court. Reporting a rape of this magnitude makes you nothing more than a target. This is why the vast majority of rapes are not reported. Rape victims are forced to relive what’s happened to them over and over and over and over again.
This has NOTHING to do with race. This is about a woman who was violated. It does not matter what color she is, or what color her attackers are. It’s wrong any way you slice it.
Strippers are not "asking for it." Would I be a stripper? Never. I’d rather live out of a cardboard box and eat scraps on a street before I would take off my clothing for cash. But, some women strip for money. It does not mean they are asking to be raped. It seems to me, they’re trying to make a living and there are a lot of men out there who are more than happy to pay for it.

I feel it’s only appropriate for me to add here that the only thing worse than a group of guys sticking together and not saying a word about what they’ve done, is a "victim" who makes up the crime. As Jim Hines states in his article:

"It happens. It’s a legitimate fear. But it’s not one I’ve got a lot of sympathy for. Not compared to the people who lived every night in fear that their father, mother, or some other relative would come in and molest them. Not compared to the women who struggled through fear, violation, and helplessness after a boy they trusted turned out to be a rapist. Not compared to the vast number of men and women who did speak out about their victimization, only to be labeled liars and sluts."

I strongly encourage you to spend some time looking around on his site.

The things that are encouraging about this case are that the students involved have been suspended, the coach is gone, and the University President actually had the guts to disallow them from playing any more games this year until this situation is resolved. For that, I am happy. Duke did more than a lot of schools do when faced with a similar situation.

I am dreading the outcome though, as I watch this case being played out in the media: lawyers dropping bits of information designed to prejudice a potential jury, lacrosse players and their parents lawyering up and zipping their lips, fellow strippers coming out to catch their 15 minutes of fame no matter what damage they may be doing to themselves, their friend, or women in general. It all makes me sick. I wish I was bringing my girls up in a world where I didn’t have to worry about what will happen to them when they’re in college, where they didn’t have to view every man as a potential problem before finally being able to trust him, where I could be sure that young men are being brought up right, to respect and cherish the women who will be in their lives. But unfortunately, it’s just not that way and giving birth to daughters, for me, means a lifetime of worrying.

For follow-up on this story, go here.