March 14, 2006

Butt Flinging “Ash Holes”

I’ve inherited many things from my dad: my nose, my temper, my perfectionist attitude. I’ve also inherited his disgust for litterbugs. I CAN NOT STAND when someone throws trash from their car. It drives me absolutely insane to see trash on the side of the road, in the parking lot, and especially in my yard. The litter item that takes the cake as far as maddening to me. . . cigarette butts. Nothing quite burns me up like littered cigarette butts. They are NOT biodegradable. When left outside, they can be picked up by babies and children, eaten by dogs and other animals, etc. It is just plain nasty and it seriously ticks me off. I especially hate litterbugs at the beach who treat the sand as a public ash tray.

Last year, we went to Pensacola Beach for a few days and were enjoying a beautiful afternoon on the beach. My husband was wading out in the water and Big I and I were hanging out on the beach. Big I started to tell me that her stomach hurt, but I was completely distracted as I watched a woman standing nearby smoking a cigarette and polluting the air around me. Normally, the smell of a cigarette will make me sick; but I was at the end of my first trimester so the smell was completely disgusting and I was seriously pissed that this woman was standing in my air. As I was trying to avoid the stream of nastiness, she flicked her cigarette onto the sand. She didn’t even bother to cover it up. The water was lapping at the butt, and I was fixated, infuriated and ready to burst. I composed a tirade in my head. It went something like this: "Would you mind picking up your cigarette and disposing of it in a more appropriate place?" If she gave me a problem, I was prepared to go off something like this, "This beach is not your personal ash tray. There are young children playing only feet away from you! Pick up your cigarette butt now before I pick it up and shove it down your throat!" (Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have what I lovingly refer to as "action plans" for certain situations, and I was fully prepared to put this one into motion.) Big I played a few feet behind me in the sand as I took a step toward the woman and started to open my mouth. Just then, the woman’s husband says to me, "Is that your kid?" as he points to Big I. I don’t even look because I know she’s right behind me and then he says, "She’s pukin’". She’s WHAT????

I turn around and there is Big I, projectile vomiting onto the sand. Now puke is disgusting any way it comes, but imagine a breakfast that includes pineapple and chocolate milk and you’ve got a first trimester mama about to join her little one in the regurgitation activities. The only thing I could think to do was run over to her, take one of her sand toys and start burying it in the sand. I mean, what else could I do? I scooped her up, turned towards Mr. B and started waving wildly as he was pretty far out in the gulf on a sand bar. I took one last cursory glance at the cigarette lady and thought, "How can I possibly say anything to her about her cigarette butt when my daughter just desecrated the beach with puke?" So, I shot her an awkward look, nodded a firm thanks towards her husband and marched our butts down the beach as the water lapped up the cigarette for some hungry fish to choke on.

Later, when I relayed the story to my husband he said I should have carried on with my critique of her disposal methods. Puke is 100% biodegradable. . .cigarette butts are most certainly not.

So, I got very excited last year when my dad informed me about a program in our state and several others to combat litter bugs. The concept is simple: see a person littering out of their car and record their car make/model, license, description of person, location and time of incident and report them. They get a nice warning letter letting them know that a caught litter bug pays a $300 fine, along with a litter bug bag for their car. It’s not much, but it does make me feel incredibly good when I call and report someone. If I could figure out how to work my cell phone camera, it would be even better. Instead, you’ll find me trying not to swerve on and off the road as I try to scribble a license number and all the other information necessary, usually with an eye or lip liner on a receipt for shoes or groceries.

I’m not a tree hugger; I don’t bleed green. I don’t even have a problem with smokers. But if you’re going to smoke, please do me the courtesy of not doing it in my air space (or especially in the vicinity of my kids); and throw your butt away! And when all is said and done, it does give me a good feeling knowing that the punky blonde littering teenager whose parents probably don’t even know she smokes, are going to get a letter saying that someone with her description was seen tossing a cigarette butt out their car window. If you’d like to make some teenager’s day, you can report litter bugs too at http://www.litterbutt.com. You’ll make your day and mine!