August 31, 2011

Enjoy the (Very Temporary) Silence

The sound of a little voice playing Pet Shop and occasionally breaking into an Adele song is gone. The Disney laugh track has been replaced with Fox News. This morning, I ate my breakfast alone.

Last night, I read “The Night Before Kindergarten” to my Sassy. I barely made it through the book without crying. She told me she was nervous but excited too. Yesterday morning, as she crawled in bed with me for one last morning together before her school year started, she started to cry and told me she was worried about me. “Who’s going to take care of you when I’m at school?” she said through tears. That’s my Sassy, the little 5-year old who insisted on carrying the cooler to and from our spot at the pool last week because she insisted that I shouldn’t be carrying heavy things.

For the past almost 6 years, Sassy has been my at-home buddy. If I’m folding laundry, she’s usually helping me. She begs me to let her help put clothes away. If I’m cooking, she’s dragging a chair out to the counter to get up and help me crack eggs and stir batter. There is no doubt I am going to miss my little helper and my little grocery shopping buddy.

This morning, Sassy had eaten her breakfast and was dressed in about 15 minutes flat. Clearly, she was excited. She told me she was nervous but did so with a smile on her face. She is so excited to be a big kid and to be going off on the bus with her big sister. We took pictures and made our way to the bus stop.

It was there that she started holding my hand and standing really super close to me. I kept bending over and assuring her that she was going to have a great day and that she would love it. Big I and her friend promised me they’d look out for her on the bus; and then the bus was pulling up.

I gave her one last squeeze and told her “good luck.” I stood in the street and snapped a quick picture of her getting on the bus. She was all smiles. I’m hoping she will be the same when she gets off the bus today. It’s such a very long day and I already miss her like crazy.

I have to admit that it was definitely easier putting her on the bus than it was with Big I many years ago. Knowing you are sending your little one off with an older sibling really helps ease the nerves a bit. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have to put my sunglasses on and sniff back the tears until the bus doors closed. But knowing that Sassy’s big sister will see her at lunch and ride with her on the bus certainly does help.

Today I’m going to grocery shop, clean and go to my midwife appointment solo, for the first time in a very long time. Soon I’ll have another little buddy to keep me company. I thought I might enjoy the break; so far though? I’m not.