July 15, 2008

7 Months

In just two days, I will be seven months post-op.  I thought I would be back in the dojo by now, but I’m not, unless you count sitting on the sidelines watching Big I and trying to keep Lil C from running off with one of Hanshi’s trophies.  The next opportunity to test for shodan is August.  The next one after that won’t be until February.

For the first time in many months, my knee feels. . . good.  One would think I’d be dying to get back in the dojo, but I’m just not quite ready.  After having so much pain for so many months, I am enjoying the fact that I am pretty much pain-free for the first time in a long time.  When I got to this point a couple weeks ago and went to the fitness center, I went right back to square one.  Over the weekend, I woke up one day and realized that I wasn’t hurting.  Steps aren’t bothering me much at all and although I still favor it and don’t squat down on it, even bending and doing things that previously caused me pain, isn’t causing me pain. 

It’s not like my non-injured knee. I don’t think it ever will be.  I still can’t kneel.  I can’t crawl around on my hands and knees.  I can’t squat down on that knee alone.  But I’m feeling better and that has been wonderful.

Because of how I set myself back (going to the fitness center) a few weeks ago after I finally started feeling good, I’m afraid to ruin it.  I’m afraid that if I start working out again or go back to karate now, I’ll rebound.  I don’t want that to happen.  I can’t have that happen with the move coming up.

So, I’m going to wait until August, see how I feel, and then start trying some things out at home before making a return to karate as usual.  I am so afraid of pivoting, twisting and turning.  I have made the decision that I would much rather wait a little longer to return, feeling confident that my knee is completely healed and solid, than return with shaky resolve and potentially set myself back months if not years. 

I’m plugging along.  I’m feeling confident that I’ll be able to return.  I’m just not chancing it quite yet. 

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