May 29, 2008
Not There Yet
I hate to write when I’m in a mood like this, which is obviously why the posts this week have been few and far between. On Friday, Lil C got a DTaP vaccine shot, which made her arm swell and her personality much too much like mine, so that hasn’t helped things either. Plus, I still itch a lot. Hives suck.
At PT yesterday I was just miserable. My knee has been really bothering me lately. It’s sore at my lowest and largest incision area. Some days, I’ll get waves of pain just shooting through that area. Other days, it’s a dull but annoying ache that tends to stick around and intensify especially when I’m doing stairs or lowering my leg after having it propped up. I’ve been complaining to my PT about it on and off. I thought it was only on rainy days that the pain was bad, but this week it’s been nice and I’ve been having a lot of pain.
We talked about doing incision massage to break down scar tissue and I’ve done that. It hasn’t really changed anything. This week, my PT looked at me, walking miserably on the treadmill, watching others come and go while I stay and stay and work out some more, and he said, "I think you really need a break. I think your body is telling you to rest. I think you need a mental and physical break."
I think he’s right.
I left PT, got in my car and started to sob. I have cried more through this ACL ordeal than at any other time in my life and I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of always having an issue. I’m not the girl who has issues. People who always have problems get on my nerves, but I think I’m becoming one of them and that only serves to make me feel more miserable.
After my appointment with my surgeon next Friday, I am heading out for vacation. My PT told me he doesn’t want me to exercise at all. I’m supposed to completely relax and see if the knee issue resolves itself.
I wanted to be ready to go back to karate; but the truth is, I’m just not. And right now, I don’t know when I will be ready.
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Things You Could Care Less About
Good for you – you need to enjoy a vacation!
Enjoy your break. You’ll be amazed what a little relaxing and rest can do for you.
Hmmmm…um, as I am the one always with issues, does this mean you tolerate me only because of my beauty?
Things do look a bit dark now, but it will break-I promise. Just don’t stand too close to me since I have that whole “Char.lie Brown” thing going on!
Enjoy the vacation. I’ll bet it will do wonders for you.
You’ve been under so much stress. It’s no wonder you’re breaking down. And because being active and doing martial arts was such a big part of your life, you’ve got a lot of grief on top of everything else.
Be kind to yourself and go enjoy your vacation.
From meeting you, the only ‘issue’ I noticed was an unusually high level of personal awesomeness. Can you tone that down a little? The rest of us are trying to catch up.
(And I wrecked the bejeezus out of my knee over a month ago now, so I share at least a little of your frustration. You’ll be ready when you’re ready, and it will probably be sooner than you think.)
Everyone has problems – it’s just how we approach them on a day to day basis that defines us.
It’s now 2 years since my motorcycle accident. For something that “did no permanent damage” I’m still in regular pain in my shoulder, neck and back. Recently adding to that I’ve been suffering with my lower back from an old injury (normally I just ignore that and work through it). It’s made me truely miserable to be around on somedays. Even my online friends know when I’m in pain when I’m chatting to them – it’s that obvious. But it’s only because right now I’m tired and ready for a break – so I don’t cope with it as well as I can. So I can sympathise you entirely – you need that break – you need to find your centre and rest mind and body for a little while.
Hugs to you – and remember RELAX! Spend that vacation time catching up with a pile of books and make Mr BBM work hard for you!!
You think you got it bad?! I nicked myself shaving today AND I need a haircut again!!!
😉
Sounds like what you need is to spend a good night out getting merry, singing and dancing like a loon. Being the kind, selfless kind of person I am, I would put myself out and “force” myself to down some beers and make an idiot* of myself in public with you, just out of the kindness of my heart.
Take it easy and remember when you’re down, there’s only one way you can go.
*idiocy is subjective if you ask me, personally I see it as letting the world know just how entertaining and fascinating I am. I’m sure you understand.
Thanks for the kind note yesterday, BBM. I am totally feeling you on the frustration. I don’t know what it is about knee injury, surgery and PT that has allowed me to channel my inner 8 year old, but sometimes it is not pretty. Thanks so much for sharing so others of us don’t feel alone.
I think there should be a study on the emotional phenomena of going through this process – especially for women. I had my breakdown this week (and probably every two to four weeks since injury), you had yours today, my friend who had ACL surgery at the beginning of the month also says she’s been crying at the drop of a hat since her injury two months ago. They should prepare us for this at the first doctor’s appt…
Have a fantastic break! I’m sure it’s going to help!!!
To Melissa’s suggestion in the prior comment, I’m sure anyone recovering from injury goes through the grieving process described in the Kübler-Ross model:
Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance
People in recovery from injury still grieve the loss of function or absence of pain, even if it’s only temporary.
It’s all natural and each piece will come to fruition in its time.
BBM, know that there will be an end to the grief, and we will all celebrate with you as you hit your milestones!
Now go and enjoy some well-earned vacation…
I am so happy that you are taking a vacation and letting yourself just be. It sounds lame of me to say but I am glad you sobbed and sobbed, only because you got some of that nastiness out of your body and onto a bunch of tissue :).
A little vacation never hurt anybody. It is a good thing to break away from it all and do nothing more than just the normal level of physical activity. I know you want to be ready for a return to karate, but it’s better to be fully recovered than only partially and wind up even worse for wear.
Being new to your blog, can you tell me how long this has been going on for you?
I thought I was just imagining the noticable rise in humidity here today…who knew it was just the evaporation of your “good cry”?? Sending super sized virtual ((((((HUGS))))))) Just know that when in gets windy tomorrow out your way…that is just them arriving!
Topsy
BBM – just a thought – You are one of my favorite blogger. You are a lot of people’s favorite blogger. It’s a tough break for all those people in the dojo who are waiting for your return too.
A vacation sounds like just what you need. And the crying? That’s good for you, too. Have a great break! 🙂
Oh, I believe you’re thru the worst of it now. It’s so @#$#% hard to climb up from injuries, especially those that resulted in a surgery. You’ve been so patient with yourself, and also very determined. Taking a break will give you time to just let it go. Don’t worry about it. Karate will always be there for you. It’s always in your mind. You know you’re a martial artist and will always be one. The black belt is still within your grasp and it is now your responsibility to get yourself back on track to reach out and take it. It will happen. The universe has this awfully quirky way of throwing twigs in your tires, hmm? Be strong and be well!!!
Aww BBM, that sounds very frustrating, knowing you really want this all behind you. Try to be patient with yourself and your recovery, you’ll get there!
~ZZ
I injured my knee some years ago, and it wasn’t until a few months later when it started to improve that I realized just how much stress the injury had been causing me. By then, I was used to how I’d changed my behavior to avoid pain, but when I didn’t have to think about that anymore, it was a great relief.
Add poison ivy and house selling to your knee injury, and tears seem a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Enjoy your time to relax, and hang in there!
Sounds like you do need a break. The pain is telling you to back-off, so that’s what you need to do. Hang in there, you’ll be okay. Karate will be there waiting for you when you’re good and ready.
Hives are the absolute worst!