January 29, 2008
Put me Down for $0
My kids have started "answering" the phone. This is quite disturbing for someone who considers herself the ultimate professional in phone call screening. I wouldn’t mind so much if the kids just handed me the phone without answering it; but their little thumbs hit "talk" almost every time and I’m left to wonder exactly who the person is waiting for me. The person waiting for me is probably wondering why they’ve been dropped 10 times and why a certain member of our household likes to heavy breathe into the phone too, but I’m more worried about me.
Over the weekend, Big I picked up the phone and hit "talk." She handed me the phone and I assumed it was Mr. BBM or my parents. It wasn’t.
"Good afternoon M’am. I’m Joe Annoying and I’m calling today to represent. . . ."
He continued on for a good four minutes leaving me no opportunity to even begin to cut him off. Plus, I was totally off my game since the phone had been answered for me. Sigh.
Finally I had my opening as he said, "So M’am, I’ll put you down for a donation of $35 and send you a thank you decal. I just need to get your information."
"I’m sorry, but I really can’t right now" I said.
"That’s o.k." he said cheerfully, "we have different levels. Let me put you down for $25."
"Even that right now is going to be. . . "
"Then let me put you down for a measley donation of just $15. . ."
"I really can’t," I said. "I just had major surgery and I have to pay for a bunch of it. Plus I have to pay for physical therapy. I really just can’t right now in any amount, unless of course, you’d like to go ask my health insurance company to pay more or call my doctor up and ask him to lower the amount that I owe him. I haven’t even gotten the hospital bill yet, so you can imagine. . ."
"What kind of surgery did you have M’am?"
He was totally trying to call my bluff.
"ACL reconstruction," I said.
"Oh MAN!" he said, "That is THE worst. That is SO painful and awful and it takes so long to come back from it. When was your surgery?"
"December," I said, "right before Christmas."
"Oh Man! I should let you go. You probably need your rest and stuff. I’m SO sorry for bothering you today M’am. You take it easy and have a good recovery. Best of luck to you. I’m really sorry for bothering you."
And with that he was gone. He hung up. I kid you not.
Blink.
Blink.
After he hung up, I summoned Big I and asked her to PLEASE not answer the phone unless we know exactly who is on the other end of that phone line. She will thank me for this lesson when she hits her teenage years and doesn’t want to go to the school dance with Harold. Perhaps we’ll fabricate an ACL injury for her at that point. Feel free to fabricate your own considering that it can totally get you out of tele-marketing calls.
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Things You Could Care Less About
When my daughter was in the brownies, I would hand all of the telemarketers to my daughter who would then try to sell them cookies. “Hi I’m looking for
Nice!!!
I simply hang up.
No discussion, no hearing, no lies.
Click.
Bye.
Since I’ve started the hang up policy, telemarketing phone calls have drastically diminished.
I sometimes give a little variation, but I have to speak louder in order to cut them:
“Nothing personal”
Click
My gf is now accustomed to me doing it. I answer, then click. She’s even developped a taste for it herself.
It’s actually quite fun, gratuitous and noone gets hurt.
Sorry for all telemarketers out there. Just don’t call to my house.
Oh dear, doesn’t your state have a no call list? I think it’s by state. It’s such a miracle. You could always say, “oh, just a minute” and put the phone down. I still find myself screaming, “Don’t answer it!” because my kids do the same thing. What did we do before caller id?
When our youngest (who is my hubby’s namesake) was about three, he LOVED to talk on the phone. Very little of what he said made any sense, but he just loved to be heard. So when telemarketers would call and ask for (my hubby’s name), I would just hand off the phone to the little guy, since he had the same name, and how did I know they didn’t REALLY want to talk to him. So for about five minutes, little guy would ramble, and I guess eventually the poor tm’s got exhausted and hung up. Who says you can’t have a little fun with the folks who call right in the middle of pot roast Thursday??
Now if you only had a good answer for those annoying pre-recorded political calls. I had my land line disconnected all day (it’s primary voting in Florida today) since I got 3 yesterday.
My husband always asks telemarketers for a credit card number. After a few spluttered “What?” and “Why?”, he tells them he’s a marketing consultant, and is more than willing to critique their sales pitch for them, but he charges $60 an hour. Credit card, please!
At which point they generally hang up.
NO NO NO, You can actually use your children to get these clowns off the line. Here is the trick:
As soon as you identify the caller on the other end as a telemarketer, you ask him/her to hold on for second. Then, you get your child and inform her that the man on the other end wants to talk to her about the Little Mermaid. Give her the phone and it is guaranteed the telemarketer will hang up on you within 2-3 minutes!
IF this doesn’t work, try speaking in Spanish. If you don’t know Spanish just throw a bunch of words together that sound Spanish. They most likely will not know the difference and hang up.
At home I just cut them off and say I’m not interested, but we even get them at work. The worst is a scam for copier toner. These sleezeballs call your company posing as someone from the company from which your company leases your copier. They ask for your copier model # and then send you highly inflated priced toner which you did not order. Whenever I get them now, I act dumb (YES IT IS AN ACT!!!) and say, “Just a minute” and put them on hold…FOREVER…let them pay the phone bill…lol
Lisa,
I USED TO WORK FOR A COMPANY THAT DID THIS!I had just started training and they actually taught us to lie. When I told my supervisor this was dishonest he told me “This is business” I couldn’t believe it and quit that day. Next time you get a call like this, make up a number for a copier that doesn’t exist. This will drive them nuts.
That was good!! At least he had the courtesy to actually LISTEN to you, even if it *was* after his spiel! And he let you off the hook! Yay!
Wow! A telemarketer with feeling??? How’d you get so lucky? I usually just hang up on them. I know it’s rude but…
In the past, I used to engage the telemarketer, as best I could, in discussion.
SHE: Hello, Mr. Turnpike? My name is Sarah and I am calling today to let you know about…
ME: Hi Sarah, and how are you today?
SHE: Oh, I am fine! Thanks…… (pause) My name is Sarah and I am calling today to let you know about…
You could almost visualize her finger moving up in the script to find out where to restart speaking. I would find at least 2 or 3 other ways to interrupt her, before I flatly said I am not interested, bid a good-day, and hang up.
Nowadays, with caller-id, I let the call go to voice mail.
Admittedly I’m a bit of a tech geek – but I used to have my phone hooked into the computer. When a telemarketer would call, I’d reroute my sound through the phone and blast a few MP3s at max volume.
For some strange reason, the line always goes dead.
I haven’t used this since we moved to AZ, but I’m strongly thinking about hooking it back up since our new phone # hasn’t hit the no-call list yet…
Yeah, I don’t like being rude to people. But the great thing about that “talk” button is that it works two ways. As soon as you hear it’s a telemarketer or a scam artist, you can just push talk again. They’ll get the message when they are just cut off. Another trick I like is when they ask for somebody else, you say, “Just a minute, I’ll get them!” And set the phone down–face up–and go about your business. They can hear you in the background, and in about 3 minutes of inactivity, the computer system hangs up for them. Turn the phone off when it starts beeping at you. I see being rude to telemarketers this way: what they are doing to US is inherently rude, and when somebody is rude to me, I don’t feel that I have to be particularly accommodating with them. And you might just be doing the phone zombie a favor. If enough people are rude back, and they don’t get their 1% of sales, then they might take a hint, put down the phone and get a real job!